chapter two: falling apart
i sit on my bed, messing with the jeans that i laid across my lap.
i have to get dressed but i don't wanna go to school.
i feel around my bed for my phone, texting alana.
according to jared, she leaked evan's letter but she only wanted to help. i don't know what to believe but i want my best friend. i need my bestfriend.
zo: alana? you there?
a: yep! excited for summer break?
zo: no
i need u rn
can u come over?
a: of course
deep down, i must want someone to hold me while i vent. i don't remember wanting her over until i asked her to come.
i slowly stand up, slightly pushing my jeans to the side. i walk over to where i threw my ukulele. it dented the wall and broke a string or two. i gently pick it up and plop myself down right where im standing, not bothering to go put real pants on.
i run my hands over the strings, messing with the broken ones. i hum a beat and start to sing, needing a way to calm myself down, tapping the beat on my uke.
"why should i play the grieving girl and lie, saying that i miss you and that my world has gone dark? i want to sing a requiem tonight."
there's a knock on my door. "you don't have to go to school today, zoe, but your father and i have to go take care of...legal matters."
"okay. whatever. alana's stopping by," i reply, not glancing up or stopping the beat.
"shouldn't she...okay, sweetie. stay safe. i love you." i hear her footsteps and her low whisper to dad.
"she'll be okay. alana will take care of her," is dad's reply.
within minutes of the car pulling away, they pull back up. i run down, yelling, getting annoyed that mom keeps texting me, one minute after another.
"if you've come back to ask if i'm okay, fuck off!!" i yell.
but standing in the doorway is alana.
"i brought ice cream, blankets, and a nice hoodie of mine that you always wanted...," alana trails, giving me a weird look and glancing behind her.
"al, i'm so fucking sorry," i say, biting my lip as tears overwhelm my eyes.
"hey, hey, it's okay, zo," alana quickly reassures me. she sets the stuff down on the island in the kitchen, finally kicking the door closed. she rushes over to me and wraps her arms around me. "what happened, zoe?"
"he lied to me! evan lied to me!" i blubber, tears and snot running down my face. "and you...you...you..." i struggle to find the words to express how i feel. and i hate it.
alana's face fell. "evan what?" she asked, in a small whisper, her face showing her confusion.
she doesn't know.
should i tell her?
would that be right of me?
and as soon as my question thoughts came, they left because i need to tell someone that isn't my parents.
"he wrote the letter. it wasn't connor. connor never cared. he never gave a shit deep down," i try to say through my sobs. "it was a...a..some kind of...," i trail, stuck again for words.
"some kind of sick and twisted fantasy that he tried to make a reality?" alana asks, playing with my hair.
i nod.
"come on, zo, let's watch movies to calm you down."
