Nicotine | bxb [ON HOLD]

2

I dug around in my top drawer until I found my lighter, and lit the cigarette in my mouth. Letting out a puff of smoke, I looked over at his sleeping face. Even after all the years I had known him I still found him breathtaking.

I leaned my head against the headboard, and closed my eyes. He shouldn't be here. I'd kicked him out for good last week. I was only hurting us more the longer I was too weak to resist him.

But I'd never been good at quitting anything, no matter how bad it might be for me. The cigarette dangling from my mouth was one of them, but not the worst of my addictions. The first time of smoked was with my dad when I was thirteen. It was a manly thing to do, and I strove to get past the awful taste and coughing, if only to prove to him that I was man enough.

Not long after, I couldn't go a day without a smoke. Within months I was completely addicted. But I didn't blame my dad for it, in fact, those times we smoked together are some of my best memories I have of my teenage years.

Glancing down once more at his face, I cursed my weakness yet again. If I thought my addiction to nicotine was bad, it was nothing compared to the hold this man had on me. I couldn't go a day without him, and how I'd managed to keep him away these last three days was beyond me. I'd tried over and over again to figure out what it was that always brought me running back to him, but I could find no answer, and yet here I was, running right back with open arms.

I put my cigarette out on the tray that sat on my nightstand, and got out of bed. I dressed quickly, and kicked his clothes into a pile so he wouldn't have the excuse of looking around for them for a while. Yes, he'd done that before when I was told him to go.

Once I was completely dressed and ready, I shook his leg to wake him up. He blinked, his dark eyes confused, and almost childlike in their half-awake innocence. Then he woke up fully, and threw the covers off of his naked body.

"Dressed already, Rune? No plans for another round?"

I made sure to look him in the eyes, and nowhere else if I was going to keep my resolve.

"Nice try, but it won't work, Ace. I want you out of here by the time I am back." I walked towards the door, looking away from him as quickly as possible.

"Where are you going, Rue?" My shoulders stiffened at the nickname, and I clenched my fist at my side.

"None of your damn business, and we are not together. You don't get to call me that anymore."

"Then what do you call last night? We're just fuck buddies now, or something?" His voice was calm and almost lazy. He knew the battle was over as soon as I let him kiss me last night.

"We are nothing, and you had better not be here when I get back."

I stepped into the hallway, closing the door before he could answer. I let out a deep breath I didn't realize I was holding, and grabbed my shoes and jacket. As soon as they were on, I hurried out the front door, not wanting to see Ace when he came out of the bedroom.

For someone who was called Ace, he was the opposite of an ace. He was obsessed with sex. I couldn't remember a time when that wasn't the only thing on his mind. I mean, I think he thought about me occasionally, but I wouldn't be surprised if that was only when he was thinking about the first thing.

I was walking to store attached to the gas station a few blocks away. I always got my cigarettes there, and I might go more often then I really needed to. There was a certain cashier who was here most days. He was one of the only people I actually enjoyed talking to. He wasn't nosy or annoying, and even though I could tell he disapproved of what I bought, he never said a word about it.

The door opened noisily, and he looked up from the counter. The sunlight caught in his blue eyes, and I thought again of just how little this job suited him. All sort of strange people came to gas stations, especially at night, and he just seemed too delicate to deal with them.

"Good morning, Rune! Your usual?" He smiled, and I looked at the pink lips for probably a second longer than necessary.

"Yeah. I'm gonna look around for a minute though." I didn't need anything else but the cigarettes he had already pulled off the shelf, but if I checked out it would cut down on the amount of time I had to talk to him.

"Of course. Take your time." I smiled at him, and he smiled back, eyes meeting mine for the second time already.

I wandered down the small aisles, looking causally at things I had no intention of buying.

"So, no hang over?" He asked from the counter. I had mentioned yesterday about going to the bar that night. I don't know why, but I told Byron a lot of things on these short trips.

"Surprisingly, no. I drank enough for one though."

"Well, that's good. Did you have a good time?" I looked down at the bag of chips in my hand, and contemplated my answer. Of course it had been good. Last night had been amazing as always, but the status of my relationship was weighing on my mind.

"It was okay." I shrugged noncommittally, and he nodded.

"I see. Well, the bar isn't always the best place, in my opinion." I decided I might as well buy the chips in my hands, and set them on the counter alongside the cigarettes.

"Oh? And what's your preferred way of finding someone?"

"Well, I would much rather go on a date. See what the person is like before I went home with them. I'm not too good with strangers."

"Hmm, that's a thought, but it sounds like a lot of work for the same end." He shook his head, and placed the items in a bag.

"Not everyone is just looking for a one night stand, you know. Sometimes people actually want something permanent." He looked at me in earnest. I guess relationships meant a lot to him - just like they had for me.

"Eh, I doubt it." I took my bag, and walked out. I couldn't help but think back to a time when commitment and trust used to mean a lot more to me. A time before Ace.