lost time - gxg

one

So, the rumour is true. She really is back.

And to be more specific, she's in my house, standing oh so elegantly next to the table of little Christmas themed snacks my step-mother prepared. In her nimble fingers, a glass of expensive champagne my father bought, which tastes far too bitter for anyone to actually enjoy. Her spare hand crossed over her chest; brown eyes carefully staring at the family portrait on top of the fire place, a soft, thoughtful expression on her face.

I didn't expect her to be here, I had a hunch that Caroline - her mother - was coming but I definitely wasn't expecting her to tag along. She's missed the last four Christmas parties, and no one has heard a peep as to why. Not even Caroline has told anyone why.

"Lily, my darling, you ought to talk to her."

I jump at the grumbly voice that brings me out of my thoughts, turning to face the sudden intrusion. I relax, smiling sadly at my father, "Maybe later, I wouldn't even know where to begin." I sigh out, leaning against the door frame, still looking over at Kaz.

"Hello is probably a good start." He teases, standing beside me, a wrinkled smirk on his lips.

I roll my eyes, "And I'll end the conversation with goodbye, shall I?"

He clucks in distaste, a playful smile on his face "Perhaps just bye, goodbye is a bit too keen, don't you think?"

I let out a breath of laughter, my gaze drifting back to Kaz.

How strange a feeling it is to see her after all these years, like seeing a ghost.

I gulp down the rest of my champagne, resisting the urge to grimace. Kaz, the ghost, looks beautiful. She's even more beautiful than when I last saw her.

I have wondered in the past if she thinks about me. What a vain and childish thought to endulge in. But, admittedly i do think of her, despite the years spent away from eachother, she still manages to cross my mind.

God, I'm being a fool. She's here and that's that, I have to be adult about this. I'd be an idiot to think I'd go through this evening without some kind of interaction with her.

"Come on," I hear my father call to me, "let's go feed these people."

I take the offer willingly, anything to take my mind away from her.

It's not long until the night is over, another year another Christmas party.

The guests bid their farewells and head out the door that my step-mother is patiently holding open. I watch from a distance, another glass of champagne in my cold fingers. Father is shaking hands and being polite, the occasional person has turned and given me a wave, most have just ignored my existence entirely.

Kaz is at the door next, offering my father and step-mother a hug. They talk quietly to eachother, and I stare at their lips without shame; a feeble attempt at deciphering what they're saying.

A smile and chuckle escapes her lips. I frown slightly at the sight. It's then my heart sinks, my father points over at me and waves. I couldn't believe my eyes, I straightened like a statue, grasping my glass with both hands.

She glances her brown eyes in my direction, past me and behind my back.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." I hear a voice from over my shoulder. Caroline brushed by me with gentleness, she only notices I'm there once she's a step away from me. I sink back into my body  "Lily!" She says, turning on her heel to face me.

I smile awkwardly, waving my glass of champagne gently as a greeting,"Hi."

Noticably absent, was her dreadful husband, Kaz's father. He hated this family and we hated him, for many reasons.

"My darling," she begins, staring into my eyes. The expression on her face is soft and kind. She looks at me as if she knows exactly how I feel, it makes me take in a sharp breath. She reaches forward and picks up my spare hand, squeezing it gently. "Keep being strong, won't you?"

I let out a quiet, shaky breath "Of course. You too."

It's an emotional day for thousands of reasons. These parties are a reminder of my youth and naivety that i've lost, and that everyone loses. It's nostalgic, it feels good but it hurts. It makes me think of my mother. It makes me think of old friends, boyfriend's... girlfriends.

Caroline reaches my father, engulfing him into a tight hug before doing the same for my step-mother. Kaz is waiting to the side, I have a moment to look at her, and i'm still stunned. She's draped in a red, silk dress that pops against her soft dark skin, her hair falling freely down her back in gentle, tight locks. I don't remember her ever looking so graceful and benevolent. The Kaz I knew wore oversized shirts and baggy trousers, she always had her hair up and couldn't stand still. She's someone completely different, yet exactly the same.

The brown eyed woman turns her head, looking at me. And this time she's actually looking at me.

I shift involuntarily, lifting my hand up and taking a sip of my champagne, not breaking eye contact. She smirks, looking away.

And with that they're gone.

I don't bother staying to watch the other guests leave, instead clambering up the stairs with a bottle of champagne in hand. I lock myself in my room, changing into pajamas and pouring myself another glass.

Sighing, I make my way into the shower. But before I do I notice a piece of paper sitting mysteriously on my bed. My eyebrows furrow, my tipsy brain trying to figure out if I had left that there or someone else.

My hands reach for it, on the front is written my name in familiar cursive writing. I unfold it, my heart in my throat.

"Lily,

Let's talk, ..."

A series of numbers is jotted down neatly, before I can process what it all means, I swallow down the last of the champagne sitting in my glass. I continue to read, almost passing out.

"From, Kaz."