Just A Girl Needing To Talk

Just another chapter

So now you kind of know a little bit about me. I guess this will kind of be like a journal for me, somewhere to write down my problems, share past stories and other things that I struggle to say to other people.

I haven't had as hard a life as other people but it hasn't been easy either. Probably sounds like I'm just feeling sorry for myself now but part of the reason why I am like I am today is because of my past experiences.

I live in a single parent family, with my mum and siblings. I haven't seen my dad since I was 2/3.

He liked to take drugs, drink and also suffered from mental health problems. He didn't leave me, my mum left him and although she gave him opportunities to see me whilst at his families home he wanted me on his own. As you can imagine my mum wouldn't let that happen for obvious reasons. My mum is very honest with me, if I have a question she'll answer it. It's my choice not to see him despite the multiple times he's tried. In my opinion if he loved me as much as he said he does he would of tried to change after I was born, not continue.

He was verbally, physically and mentally abusive to my mum. I cannot forgive him for that. He moved on and started another family, and that's that.

Although I've always known mum stopped him from seeing me for my benefit and has repeatedly asked me if I would like to see him, not having a father figure has affected me. I felt unwanted. I wished he loved me enough to want to better himself and get the help he needed.

I once found a picture of him at my grandma's house in the recycling. I quickly put it in my pocket and hid it in one of my teddies coat pockets. A couple nights a week I used to just break down about anything and everything. I would get the picture out and stare at it, wondering what my life would be like if he had changed. In my opinion that is one of the reasons why I have the problems that I do today.

I hope I didn't bore you with that little insight to my life. Thank you for reading ☺