Conflation (Beginner's Luck Award)

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"My thoughts are like stars I cannot fathom into constellation."

- John Green

. .

//Luke//

have you ever dug deep under your subconscious just to find out that what you really thought was all a complete shallow thing?

well.

just call it 'realization'.

he came to the conclusion that his consciousness has been lying to him.

Celestine wasn't really the reason he didn’t go online.

there are lots of people he had been friends in cyber world. but realizing that he was starting to like one of them made him think about the amount of time he had been wasting after dropping out of college.

he thinks that allotting a considerable long time span to something is enough to make you cling to it subconsciously. and that thought made him calculate the amount of time he had thrown instead of making something real out of himself.

is it possible that people tend to give their focus to something/someone when you’re having a hard time figuring out what you really want in life?

is it a defense mechanism or something? the thought jumped to another and it’s almost abstract that he couldn’t decipher if it was even logical.

so they are right, he thought. a simple thought can provoke something so big.

so what really is the reason why he left, you may ask?

it’s himself.

his out-of-the-blue realizations and permanent decisions about his actual life.

we may not understand these, but every person has their own abstract reasons they just can’t form into coherent explanations for others to digest.

*

after a lot of searching How to Get your Passion Back on Google, earning lots of motivation, and drawing lots of things from buildings to portraits, he found himself thinking why he quit on drawing; and eventually, telling his parents that he'd enroll again.

and so he did.

he told himself that he’d just explain everything to Celestine later. but being busy due to the newly perceived plan for his life, the “later” became tomorrow, the next day, the next day after tomorrow, next week, next 2 weeks until the days couldn’t be counted anymore.

 

but miracurously enough, this day was the day.

 

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C O N F L A T I O N

the white colored name of the infamous social site suavely made its way on his screen, as if there was a fog humbly welcoming the letters. he stared at it long enough to know that he felt lost.

Conflation changed.

after 4 months of not making any appearance to the site, the infamous LukeWebster finally came back to the virtual place, where laptop's screen is like a portal to another dimension; a dimension where parallel souls who live on opposite worlds meet virtually.

but lots of life-changing things could happen in 4 months.

new realizations came. complicated thoughts were analyzed. discovery of repressed feelings and ignition of passion happened.

and cofusingly enough, he didn't even notice the amount of time that passed by. not until this time.

notifications.

lots and lots of notification bombarded his sight.

but for some indecipherable reason, the first thing he noticed was his inbox.

serendipity: [16 new messages]

Neil: [8 new messages]

the tiny cursor seemed like it was waiting to be moved.

debating whether or not to open these messages,

he chose the latter.

so he opened Neil's messages first.

reading..

reading..

and reading..

Neil: I hereby declare that I, Neil Welford, forgives you Vince Parker.

Seen at 7:12pm

Luke’s eyes were intently staring at the messages of the young man who declared his act of forgiveness to him. he couldn’t quite believe that he’d ever read a message like that from anyone especially from Neil.

a strong mortification hit him like a brick of stone for not reading it on time.

LukeWebster is typing…

LukeWebster: The amount of time I abandoned this site might have changed your decision. And if that’s the case, disappointment will surely be the death of me. But if your mind still haven’t changed, I am utterly grateful for forgiving the obnoxious Vince Parker.

*beeps*

his entire body perked at the sound.

a message box popped up.

Neil: Vince? Woah. It took you so long to read my message, eh?

*beeps*

Neil: Nevermind. My mind haven’t changed. Yet. Just kidding. No, seriously, forgiveness is a permanent decision, Vince.

LukeWebster: Forgiving and being forgiven set people free actually.

Neil: You may have probably just said the deepest shit I have ever agreed upon.

from the corners of his eye, serendipity’s blurred name caught his attention.

slowly, his sight’s focus turn to her name.

with a doubtful heart, he clicked open her messages.

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if he wasn’t being mistaken, there were 16 unread messages, digitized musings waiting to be replied by. but replying to them wasn’t really appropriate anymore when they were sent months ago, he thought.

admittedly, he’d pictured himself typing the right words to make up a nice message to her in his mind numerous times before he was in front of his laptop. unfortunately, at this very moment, it felt like all of those potential messages were sucked out of his brain. he didn’t know what to say.

“Back to zero I guess”, he thought.

LukeWebster is typing…

LukeWebster is erasing…

“Damn it.”

LukeWebster is typing…

Him: Hey… serendipity.

a/n: to make up the amount of time you spent waiting, i made this a long one. tbh i'm making the chapters longer than you usually encountered on the first half of the book. probably some peeps thought the last update was the end but no no no no. it isn't. you guys would receive an announcement when this story ends. tHIS IS DEDICATED TO ALEJANDRA! (@lightinherveins) SHE IS AN EPITOME OF GREATNESS TBH AND AND. I LOVE HER. <3

butTT hoLy baLLS LUKE CAME BACK????