Sown

thirteen

Hanae stared adoringly at the child nestled in her arms. He had the same eyes as his father, staring up at her curiously. Everything was so new and exciting to infants, every gust of wind and suckle of a tender kiss pressed to their cheeks a new sensation. To them the world was a fantastical place and she shared that sentiment wholeheartedly. How could one not see the beauty of life when children such as this existed because of it?

"You're a natural, Hanae-chan."

She flashed a teary-eyed smile at the woman standing beside her.

"Thank you. I'm so happy for you and your husband."

The child's mother smiled adoringly as the farmer nuzzled her nose against the infant's. "It's all thanks to your help. The red raspberry leaf worked wonders."

"Yes, preeclampsia is a horrible thing. Thank the heavens you had a safe delivery. I'll continue to pray for you."

"And I'll pray for your future family. Do you plan on having children?"

Hanae bounced on her toes, still staring at the babbling baby boy. "I want to have so many that I have to raise them from a wheelchair," she giggled between coos.

A coquettish smile fashed over the mother's face. "I hope Kakashi is ready to have his hands full." She took the child back as the other woman choked on her gasp. "It's best to have children when you're young."

The redhead sputtered, "Kakashi-san and I aren't -"

"Hanae, I've seen him in this store more than anywhere in the village. I'd be surprised if you two weren't already living together," she alternated between patting her son and patting Hanae's back. "I hope he'll be a better father than his own."

The statement caught the flustered woman off guard. What did she mean by that? Had Kakashi been abused in his younger years? Was his father a drunk, home life a nightmare? It would explain his reclusive nature. Sadness gripped her heart in a vice at the thought. Coming from such a supportive family herself the farmer could never imagine anyone hurting a child, their own child nonetheless. " . . What do you mean?"

Patting turned to rubbing. "His father is a failure. He failed a mission important to Konoha and killed himself once he realized how much he disgraced the village. My brother was in the academy with Kakashi ; he was a star student but he had such a rotten attitude. No doubt he got it from his father. He even killed his teammate when they were kids."

She paused when Hanae held up her hand. The immigrant had a stern expression, sickened by the gossip and exasperated tone. "I'm sorry, but can you leave?"

The mother looked shocked. "What?"

"Please leave," Hanae reiterated. "I don't want to have this sort of talk in my shop. And please, don't come back."

The other woman's mouth gaped, "you're going to ruin our friendship for that friend killer? Hanae, you can't honestly think -"

"Leave." The farmer ordered with arms crossed. It hurt to have to make her friend leave, but those who dishonored the dead left her fuming. She watched the woman storm out the door, shouting obscenities and promising to never be back as long as she chose that man over her.

Alone, Hanae held her head in her hands. She knew Kakashi would be mad if he found out she had fallen victim to curiosity of his past. It was a fragile subject, personal information that she had no right to hear from anyone else but the man himself. There was no remedy for the situation, nothing to get the information out of her mind. A simple mistake turned grave. Despite her best efforts, Hanae had overstepped a major boundary.

She didn't want there to be secrets between them ; it was her only selfishness, wanting everything to do with the man without knowing if he felt remotely the same. Even if she couldn't have his heart, she could help him to the point that he could give it to someone that would make him happy. She repeated this thought in her mind throughout the rest of the day no matter how bitter the realization felt.

She only allowed herself to ponder over the coarse history lesson that night, explaining away key points whilst soaking in a tea and flower petal infused bath. Hanae had killed before ; the act was natural for any warrior, shinobi and samurai alike. Scars littering her shoulders and faint notches carved into her collarbones proved the merciless violence faced in any battlefield. She had felt her sword glide through organs, heard the rattle of someone grasped by death, seen the bodies of numerous shinobi fallen by the hands of her battalion, snow piling on their still chests. It had taught her to cherish the life she had been gifted.

Everyone had a family, everyone had someone who cried for them. She was sure her quick actions had caused years of grief for women just as herself. But taking the life of one had saved the lives of hundreds, and that was nothing to be ashamed of. Everything had a reason, every cause an action, every cloud a silver lining.

While she struggled to understand, he could explain. They just had to get to that point, the point beyond boundaries and secrets, the point where she could get Kakashi to trust her with his burdens. And she would start when he returned.