Old Habits Die Hard

Guilt

No more.

Please, no more.

He can't.

He won't.

He won't do it anymore.

He promised he wouldn't.

But he'd already broken that promise.

So... he's got to fix it.

Then what's the point of stopping?

Shut up.

You know that I'm right.

Fuck. Off.

He can't do it.

He won't.

"Hey, guys!" Lance shouts, waving cheerily at the rest of the team. It's early in the morning, so he really only gets half-hearted 'hello's from the people who are sitting at the breakfast table. It's fine. He understands. They're just tired of you.

"Hey, Lance," Shiro says with a yawn. "I'm guessing you slept better than the rest of us."

Lance looks around at the drooping eyes and vacant stares of the others. Their exhaustion is evident, and he can't help but feel a bit jealous for some ridiculous... frankly, scary reason. He hasn't been sleeping well either. Why doesn't he look like them? Why doesn't he feel as badly as they do? What's wrong with him?

"Uh, yeah..." Lance says with a sheepish smile, running his hand through his hair. "I guess I did." He glances over at Hunk just in time to see the other boy's eyes quickly dart away. Lance's nerves spike, and he stammers out the first thing he can think to say, trying to distract himself from the memories from yesterday that swarm back into his mind. "So... uh... what're we doing today?"

Shiro looks between the two boys, noticing the tension, but says nothing in regards to it. Maybe he just doesn't want to get involved yet. Maybe he thinks it's not worth his time. "I think Allura said something about doing another mindmeld."

Lance visibly flinches at this, looking away from the others who he's sure are looking at him. "Uh... are we sure that's a good idea?" he mumbles. "I mean... after last time..." His voice trails off, and he stares down at his hands.

Shiro places a reassuring hand on Lance's shoulder. "That was a while ago, Lance. I'm sure it'll be better this time." He smiles softly, trying to calm Lance and, less directly, everyone else.

Better...

It'll be...

"Yeah..." Lance says with a forced grin, still not looking up at the others. "Yeah, you're right. It'll be fine."

It'll be fine.

Fine.

Totally.

As Allura and Coran set up the device and pass out the headgear, most of the team fidgets and refuses to make eye contact with each other. Lance can't blame them, honestly. Mindmelds kind of always felt like an invasion of privacy, but no one could have expected the real can of worms that it opened up. But that's over. It's in the past. Everything is fine now. He just has to convince himself of that. But it's not possible to, is it? Especially when he knows it's not true.

You're fine.

He's fine.

Well...

He's not.