We Were Lightning (Landslide Book 3: Violet)

Chapter Twelve

Annddd I've got another update for y'all. We left off in the present with Violet turning away from the bookshop after seeing Emery and the blonde (that we all know is Eliza) talking after Violet had read the letter from Emery. 

I think this chapter is kind of short, but there is more Emery and Violet interaction, so at least there's that! 

Enjoy!

Chapter Twelve: Present

            I end up at the beach after leaving the bookshop. I don't know where else to go to lighten the weight that sits on my chest. Emery is happy. She is happy with the life she has now and I have no right to take that from her. Those three years we were apart changed a lot for the both of us. I have an idea of what she went through, and I hate myself more for what I did to her. If I had known that was going to happen, I would have stayed. I would have fought. I should have. Every time I think about the fact that I ran away, a queasy feeling settles in my stomach. I want to call it selfish. But what else was I supposed to do? Risk my family for the girl I loved? I suppose I could have. But either way it was selfish, right? Either I risk my family's safety or I risk Emery's. Neither are good options; neither would have ended well.

            I look out at the water in front of me. The sun is slowly sinking into the horizon and the waves lap gently at the beach. My mind wanders back to the time Emery found me here. She was fiery; she cared about me long before I was willing to care for her. I wanted to let her in then, just like I do now. And, once again, the only thing stopping that is me.

            The waves rise and fall into each other again and again. They pull back and fall forward folding into themselves. I see myself running toward Emery those three years ago, begging her to let me explain as much as I can. I see her mom belittling her. I see her falling into my arms sobbing. I see myself running away from her again. Pull back. Crash forward. Again. And again. And again.

            I stand up and brush the sand off my pants before climbing back up to the empty night streets. Slowly, I make my way back to campus hoping that by the time I get there I can crash peacefully into my bed.

***

            When I get back to my dorm, I'm exhausted. It's late and I'm over this day. All I want is to go to sleep. Emery's letter still swirls through my head in disjointed chunks, weighing me down with every step closer to my room. I knew when I left her that it wasn't going to be easy for her. I knew it wasn't the best decision, but it was the only option I had seen at the time. What I didn't expect was what she turned into while I was gone. The thought of her drunk and sleeping with random woman all the time hurt in a way that I'm not sure how to process. And not even to mention whatever happened to Charlie after I left. I don't know what happened there, or what happened to her best friends that used to be around all the time. I thought she would have the support she needed when I had to leave. But instead it seems like Emery was left alone and I can't help but feel like I am to blame.

            She looks happy now, I think as I climb the stairs up to my room. She smiles and laughs like nothing in this world is weighing her down. And maybe that's because of the nameless blonde she's always with. Or maybe that's because she's happy with herself and her life without the need of a significant other...I don't know. Do I even have a right to know anymore?

            Okay, I know I don't have a right to know. I lost that right the moment I said those awful things to her. I lost that right when I drove off into the night without telling her. I lost her. Fuck. I was such a fucking fool. To run and hide like I always fucking do instead of fight for her.

            But how can I even think that when I know my dad would have tried to kill her too. In retrospect I know that. At the time, I had no idea, it was just an assumption. Now, after everything that happened in my family in the past couple years, I know that's exactly what would have happened. He would have stopped at nothing to get to us, and if that meant going through Emery...he wouldn't have even hesitated.