Beautiful Secrets (Cranksepticeye Fanfiction)

~9.14~ The Real Boo Radley

Sunday night, I reread The Catcher in the Rye until I felt tired enough to fall asleep. Only I never got tired enough. And I couldn't read, because reading didn't feel the same. I couldn't disappear into the character of Holden Caulfield, because I couldn't get lost in the story, not the way you need to be, to become somebody else.
I wasn't alone in my head. It was full of lockets, and fires, and voices. People I didn't know, and visions I didn't understand.
And something else. I put the book down and slid my hands behind my head.
Jack? You're there, aren't you?
I stared up at the blue ceiling.
It's no use. I know you're there. Here. Whatever.
I waited, until I heard it. His voice, unfolding like a tiny, bright memory in the darkest, furthest corner of my mind.
No. Not exactly.
You are. You have been, all night.
Ethan, I'm sleeping. I mean, I was.
I smiled to myself.
No you weren't. You were listening.
I was not.
Just admit it, you were.
You people. You think everything is about you. Maybe I just like that book.
Can you jus drop in whenever you want, now?
There was a long pause.
Not usually, but tonight it just sort of happened. I still don't understand how itnworks.
Maybe we can ask someone.
Like who?
I don't know. Guess we'll have to figure it out on our own. Just like everything else.
Another pause. I tried not to wonder if the "we" spooked him, in case he could hear me. Maybe it was that, or maybe it was the other thing; he didn't want me to find out anything, if it had to do with him.
Don't try.
I smiled, and felt my eyes closing. I could barely keep them open.
I'm trying.
I turned out the light.
Good night, Jack.
Good night, Ethan.
I hoped he couldn't read all my thoughts.
Basketball. I was definitely going to have to spend more time thinking about basketball. And as I thought about the playbook in my mind, I felt my eyes closing, myself sinking, losing control. . . .

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Drowning.
I was drowning.
Thrashing in the green water, waves crashing over my head. My feet kicked the muddy bottom of a river, maybe the Santee, but there was nothing. I could see some kind of light, skimming the river, but I couldn't get to the surface.
"It's my birthday, Ethan. It's happening."
I reached out. He grabbed at my hand, and I twisted to catch it, but he drifted away, and I couldn't hold on anymore. I tried to scream as I watched his pale hand drift down toward the darkness, but my mouth filled with water and I couldn't make a sound. I could feel myself choking. I was starting to black out.
"I tried to warn you. You have to let me go!"
I sat up in my bed. My T-shirt was soaking wet. My pillow was wet, my hair was wet. And my room was sticky and humid. I guessed I'd left the window open again.
"Ethan! Are you listening to me? You better get yourself down here yesterday, or you won't be having breakfast again this week."
I was in my seat just as three eggs over-easy slid onto my plate of biscuits and gravy. "Good morning, Anna."
She turned her back to me without so much as a look. "Now you know there's nothing good about it. Don't spit down my back and tell me it's raining." She was still aggravated with me, but I wasn't sure if it was because I had walked out of class or brought the locket home. Probably both. I couldn't blame her, though; I didn't usually get in trouble at school. This was all new territory.
"Anna, I'm sorry about leaving class on Friday. It's not gonna happen again. Everything'll go back to normal."
Her face softened, just a little, and she sat down across from me. "Don't think so. We all make our choices, and those choices have consequences. I expect you'll have some hell to pay for yours when you get to school. Maybe you'll start listening to me now. Stay away from that Jack McLoughlin, and that house."
It wasn't like Anna to side with everyone else in town, considering thar was usually the wrong side of things. I could tell she was worried by the way she kept stirring her coffee, long after the milk had disappeared. Anna was always worried about me and I loved her for it, but something felt different since I showed her the locket. I walked around the table and gabe her a hug. She smelled like pencil lead and Red Hots, like always.
She shook her head, muttering. "Don't want to hear about any blue eyes and brown hair. It's fixing to come up a bad cloud today, so you be careful."
anna wasn't just going dark. Today, she was going pitch black. I could feel it coming up a bad cloud, myself.