Chapter 1: The Terrible Concert and Back

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"Honey! It's almost time for the concert. Oh and by the way, get that terrible monkey stench off of you! You're scaring Little Billie!" Said Amber, his beautiful wife.

"I'll take a shower here in a minute. By the way, I haven't been near the monkey!" BIllie Joe replied, then let out a huge FART. When he got in the shower, he avoided the water, except for the few times it hit his butt cheeks.

It was time for the concert! He barely managed to get his clothes on, he almost went down the street nude! "Billie Joe, you forgot your pants!" Amber called down the street but he was halfway down the street, his butt cheeks flapping in the wind.

The concert was ready to start and the audience saw more than they had expected. Danielle and Shela, our heroes who still couldn't believe they were there, was throwing popcorn at each other. "Hold your popcorn and check out the bassist!" Danielle said, staring at him, in love-like. Shela turned to Ben Stiller, who was covering his ears too. She yanked a hand off one of his ears to talk to him.

"Hey, did you know the real drummer fell down a flight of 100 stairs and broke his spine? Now a monkey plays the drums." He looked at her and said, "Well that's not nice."

"I'm not trying to be mean....look!" Shela said, pointing at the stage.

"But they already had a monkey playing the drums.." Ben said, being mean.

"Yeah but now they have a better monkey!" Said Shela laughing, staring at the new monkey. "Hey, I wonder what'll happen if I throw this banana on stage?!" Shela thought, then took it out of her pocket. "How did you get that?" Johnny Knoxville, her boyfriend, said returning with their drinks. "Brought it with me....hey you never know when you'll get hungry." She replied, peeling it and then throwing it onstage.

The monkey's eyes followed it as it hit Billie Joe and made him skip a verse. The monkey dropped its drumsticks and tackled Billie Joe. It found the banana and ate it, then when back to its drums. Everyone stood there in shock except for Shela, Johnny, Ben, and Danielle. Danielle leaned over to Johnny to look at Shela. She smiled and turned back around to see what was going to happen next.

Because of this crazy disruption, the concert was delayed. "Shela, I have my backstage pass and I'll be there if you need me!" Danielle said, dying to see the bassist. "Okay, well Johnny and I are going to go look for a bathroom before he pees his pants." Shela replied, then grabbed Johnny's arm to lead him to a bathroom somewhere.

Danielle made her way through the crowd and then came to a stop at two guards. One was bald, brawny and looked pretty tough until she noticed his tattoo that read 'Mama.' The other one was sort of stupid looking, wore a fake looking wig, and was picking his nose. Danielle dug around in her pocket and couldn't find her pass. She thought about where she had last put it. Then she remembered! Shela and Johnny was playing with it in the car because they were bored. The last time she'd saw it was when Johnny had shoved it down his pants so Shela wouldn't get it.

"Well ma'am, do you have a pass?" The bald dude said.

"Uh...uh...look! Over there's cupcakes!" She exclaimed. The two guards looked at each other and took off running. "Suckers!" She mumbled as she then sped down to the dressing room. As soon as she reached the dressing room she stopped, took a breath, and opened the door. Inside was people rushing around everywhere. Amber screaming at Billie Joe for something, babies crying, and people running around the room frantically with hairspray. She entered the room slowly, to run into who would've guessed it? Mike Dirnt. The bassist!

******

Meanwhile, Shela and Johnny was still looking for a bathroom. "Why didn't you pee before we left?" Shela, out of annoyance, said.

"I did but hey I drunk three sodas! All at one chug too!" He replied.

"I'll tell you what, Johnny. I'll take you around back and look for a place that isn't too crowded and you can pee back there." Shela said. Johnny rolled his eyes and held back from peeing all over the place. Shela walked over to a corner and said, "Come on!"

He ran back behind the corner and began to do his business.

10 minutes later...

"Johnny, you about done?" Shela said, trying to watch and make sure no one was coming.

"Yeah, its slowing down," He said, his eyes closed.

"Johnny, I was just thinking and I wanted to tell you....I love you." Shela said, sitting down on an abandoned soda crate. Johnny's fountain of pee stopped and he zipped his pants.

"I love you too. Don't you know that?" He walked toward her with his arms out.

"Johnny, I can't wait until we have our first baby.."

His eyes deepened and his heart sunk. "Shela, I've wanted to talk to you. I want you to know..............I've been cheating on you with seven women for three years." Johnny waited on world war three to begin.

"What?! Johnny, I ain't takin' this bull no more!!! Goodbye Johnny." Shela took off before she could punch him. He took off after her. As he followed her he accidentally ran into one of his longtime secret lovers, Jessica Simpson.

"Johnny!!! Oh my gosh!! Come here before Nick sees us!!" She grabbed him before he could refuse and took him into her hands, disappearing. Shela was still running, thinking he was still behind her. She turned her head to check but before she could get stopped, WHAM!! She ran into Ben again.

******

"Billie Joe Armstrong!! How could you make me look bad out there?! You orda be ashamed!" Amber screamed at Billie. He just sat there, taking the scolding.

Danielle was still standing in front of Mike, staring. "I.....I.....I....wanted to meet you. I just..." She was tongue tied. Her eyes glaring into his eyes...in love. He stood there quietly and glared at his one true love. Danielle's plan was coming to work.

"I....I....I...love you.." Mike said, pulling her into his big, strong, sweaty arms and kissing her. She wrapped her arms around him. This was a true romance.

"My name's Danielle and oh, I already know yours." She said, cleverly.

"Well sweetie, what do you say about going with me to the hospital to visit Tre tomorrow? He fell down a flight of 100 stairs and..."

"I know, I know.." Danielle interrupted. "Of course I'll go. Now...come on! I want you to meet my best friend!" She grabbed him and dragged him off to find Shela.

******

"Ben? Oh sorry. I was just trying to get away from Johnny when I..."

"It's alright. I know. Johnny and Christine, my wife, er...ex wife, shall I say are dating.." Ben interrupted.

"Oh, well, I didn't know that." Shela said, scratching her head.

"Yeah I didn't know how to tell you...since you were happy and all.." Ben finally told her.

"Ben, I wasn't happy. I was dying to get out of it." Shela moved in. He moved in closer too.

"Would you like to go with me to the Museum of Unextarordinary Odysseys?" Ben said. Shela had thought he wanted to kiss her.

"Uh, sure." She answered.

"Great! He was brutally interrupted by Danielle, who'd just appeared with Mike.

"Yo yo yo what's up? Shela look who I got to meet!" She said.

"Uh great....freak." Shela mumbled.

"I see you and Ben are shacking up now.."

"We're not shacking up, she's going with me to the museum tomorrow. We were going to show Johnny!" Ben said.

"Well I'm going with Mike to the hospital to visit Tre," Danielle said, wanting to outsmart Ben. "Shela, you about ready to go?" She continued.

"No she's not. She's going home with me!" Ben answered before Shela could answer. Shela looked at Ben funny.

"Well well well you're in love! Well, I'll meet you at the hospital tomorrow! Bye!"

Danielle left with Mike and Ben left with Shela.


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