[p o e t r y]

More Than Enough

Someone once asked me
What my greatest fear was
I told them
Dying with the same mindset
As I possess in this phase of life
My mindset is my greatest fear
My biggest insecurity
It is not my weight
My grades
Nor my personality
- though truth be told
I have struggled with those too-
In reality
By biggest insecurity 
Is my drive to do more
To be more
The fear that I can achieve more
And yet never will
Never do
The fear that I am good enough
But not hard working enough
Not strong enough
Not positive enough
Not ready enough
To achieve the "good"
That I know is within me

I am terrified to die
With that same mindset
I'm terrified to die
Still wishing that to my life
There should have been more

The problem is
That I know
When I die
I will go to a place
where there is more
Much more
A splendid, perfect, radiant place
A place where I will be perfect
A place where I will stay perfect
Where I will be enough
Where my achievements don't matter
A perfect place where I am enough
Eternally.
The problem is I know
That my fear is unreasonable
When I did
I will go to
The home of the "more"
I search so longingly for
Yet I still fear that
I I will be left empty of that more
Just short of enoughness
Until the day I die

But perhaps that is how
My life was intended to be
With sin can  darkness
And with darkness fear
I fear that I will never
Achieve enough
Strive for enough
Love enough
I fear that I will
Never be enough
Yet I know
I know within my heart of hearts
That when I die
I will rest forever
In the palace of eternal glory
In the home of a King
And for all of eternity
I will be enough
I will be wrapped in love
Coated in joy
And I will be so relinquished of myself
That my achievements
will no longer matter
They will be of no concern
For I will be enough
Simply because I will finally be home
Home
Heaven
Home
A place where I do not need
To strive for more
Because there
I am more than enough