flower; ch

thank you

this isn't a new chapter, but merely a thank you from me to you.

when i started this book, i was happy. my life was going alright. i had some issues revolving around my mental health, but that was something i've been battling with for over 4 years now. besides that i was doing alright.

i started this book so that i could write about my dreams, and as an outlet for the things going on in my life. indigo's character is very much based off of me, and when i wrote the prologue things were essentially okay in my life. i've dreamed of having a career in photography, especially related to music.

i never really worried about my future, because my parents were able to support my lifestyle, or so i thought. in the chapter "nothing has ever felt so right" indigo's dad admits to the terrible mistake he made of embezzlement. in may of this year my dad did the same thing. it shattered my life. i went from living an alright life, in a family that was still together, and money wasn't our biggest issue.

granted, we didn't live an overly lavish life style, but i never worried about how we were going to pay for the things we need. my dad stole millions of dollars and is in a lot of debt. because of this my mom had to leave him, we lost our house, and any plans i had for the future were ultimately crushed.

i was on a path with riding horses, something i loved more than anything else. my horse was my best friend. but in may i also had to say goodbye to him, because we were essentially broke and could hardly pay for ourselves, much less an expensive animal such as a horse.

this book was how i got the feelings out. i put everything i was feeling into indigo's character. her doubts, her insecurities, her hardships. in a way, having calum there for her, felt as if he was there for me too in some odd way.

i had no expectations of this book getting the attention it has. all your kind words make it easier going through the day. the love you give indigo, reflects on to me and makes me more positive. the sweet things you say about my writing have inspired me so much.

i didn't dream of becoming a writer, and i've never considered myself all that good at it, but you guys have made me more confident in it.

this year has been the worst one i've experiences in a very long time. but so many blessings have come this year in terms of 5sos. i saw them in september, calum reposted that silly meme i made in august, and i've received such an outpouring of love both on here and on my social medias.

i am so thankful for each and every one of you, and every single one of your kind words has impacted me more than you could ever know. always feel free to reach out to me if you need to talk, because odds are i've been through it. and if not, i'll do whatever i can to help.

all the love,

kayl xoxo