flower; ch

"i love you, flower." (bonus)

"every moment spent,
i wish i was with you,
and every night i slept,
i dreamt i was with you."
{meet you there, 5 seconds of summer}

indigo
the past three years have been an absolute whirlwind for both calum and i. the band just finished touring for their sixth album, and i'm flying home from work today. i've been in uganda with a group that went to try and aid the people there with food and medication. my sole job was creating a portfolio to use to encourage others to take note of what was happening to the people in the country.

it's been an exhausting six months to say the least. it was an eye opening and incredible, although heartbreaking, experience, but i'm beyond ready to see calum again. going five months with out him and only getting to speak to him on the phone every now and then... it's been absolute torture.

there is one thing i do want to talk to him about, it's something we've spoken about before, and feel the same about. while i was working i was constantly surrounded by children, so many children. i'be always known i wanted children, but the time hasn't been right. being around so many, has no doubt made me want one with calum even more.

it's a tricky situation because neither of us want to have a child when he's never home, or when we're never together. i'm nervous about bringing it up while the band is doing as well as they have been, but i do know that calum wants a baby too, as he wasn't afraid to tell me that the first time we had a conversation about it.

-

"indigo?" calum calls my name with a questioning tone, making me turn towards him. we're in bed, him with a book in his lap that he's been reading and me on my computer editing.

"yeah?" i respond, giving him my attention and urging him to continue.

"can i ask you something?" he says nervously, making me very curious as to why he's behaving like he is.

"of course you can, calum," i respond simply, knowing he's just stalling so he can figure out how to word what he wants to ask me.

"do you— uh, do you want kids?" he murmurs the question out, glancing from the sheets of the bed to me. my eyebrows raise distinctively, as i really was not expecting him to ask that.

"what made you think to ask that?" i respond, knowing he wants an answer and not just another question.

"the character in this book is pregnant and i dunno... i just realized we haven't really ever had that conversation, you know?" he meets my eyes now, a sheepish expression on his face. i smile softly, moving my computer onto the bedside table and scooting over to snuggle up against his side.

"i did tell you i wanted everything with you, didn't i?" i say softly. he looks down at me, caramel eyes softening at his words. he nods, and i bite my lip to keep my smile at bay.

"that includes kids," i whisper, leaning up to kiss his scruffy jaw. "if that's what you want too." he smiles widely, his perfect teeth and squishy face on full display.

"of course i want to have babies with you," he responds, one of his hands moving to softly hold the side of my neck before drifting to cup my jaw.

"but—," i begin quietly, not wanting to say my next words in a negative way. he perks up at this, a hint of his earlier nervousness showing again.

"i want it to be when we can both be there to raise them, together," i explain. i don't want to discourage him or upset him, i just know i wouldn't be able to do it on my own, especially right now. we've only been married for a couple months, and it just feels like we still have a lot to do before settling down with kids.