Big Book About Yours Truly

~Lately~

I don't know what's been going on with me lately........
Well...I do but, I just don't know how to describe it.

My family is concerned about my well being....I tell them I'm fine, but I know I'm not.
Shit has been hard for me.
I've missed so many days of school, I have to sit down with all of my teachers and my mother.....this will be fun.
Lately I've been pushing everyone away and I lock myself in my room, or I go on to the porch and smoke a cigarette.
I miss the old me.....The me that used to interact with my family and hang out with my best friend.
But I guess that person's gone now..... I'm just wondering when they'll come back.
I've stopped eating as much as I used too because, I put on a few pounds. I'm thinking about pills to help me stop eating, my mom probably won't let me but... I'm a rebel
I know I'm hungry, my stomach growls all the time but I ignore it.

People always ask me if I'm okay. I always tell them yes, I have too. Because if I don't, I'll have to talk to people.....and I really hate talk to people, especially adults.

I love to dream
I dream about that perfect person .....or people.
Dreaming is what separates my from reality just for a split second before someone snaps their fingers in my face and tell me to pay attention.

Lately I've been........ trying to figure out how much I mean to people.
People ignore me when I speak....and that just makes me realize that I shouldn't be speaking or what I'm saying doesn't matter .

I've been reading more often the usual.... that's good I guess.
Also drawing, I've been drawing alot too ..... maybe I'll make an art book of my shitty creations.

Welp, I'm done ranting about myself and how my life sucks according to me...... I'mma go smoke a cigarette