Lucky With My Dreams

Chapter 1 - What is in a name? (How it all began)

What's in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet."

~ William Shakespeare (Romeo and Juliet)

October 2005 

Harare, Zimbabwe

It has been said that your name can be some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. If it sounds intelligent, successful and attractive, then old folk's tales believe that you are more likely to act or possess those things. I am not sure where the myth went wrong when it came to my turn. My name is Paidamoyo, though my family and friends have called me by the short form, Paida, for as long as I can remember. My name is supposed to represent a symbolic celebration of the attainment of the very thing which the heart desired. Basically, that is what my name means: that which the heart desired.

From what I figure, my parents must have been elated when I was born. They must have celebrated, joyful, because I was the very thing that their hearts desired. Or maybe because through me, their hearts desires would be satisfied. I am still to figure that one out. In any case, today I do not feel like I deserve that name, for it is loaded with expectation, but none of that "magic" seems to be following me. All I know of my life right now is that all my heart's desires have all been shattered.

I spent the afternoon with Gari at the library today, and thinking about it now as I lie in my bed waiting for the sounds of the busy city to lull me to sleep, I smile to myself as I consider how lucky I am. In two weeks' time I will be sitting for exams whose results will either make or break my life. Gari too, although he is two years ahead of me. Gari is very serious about school, he has very ambitious plans of getting a lofty education, and one day becoming a "someone in life." He is always trying to inspire me and convince me to envision the same for myself, but I can't. I do not have the same advantages that he has. He is the youngest of four siblings, whilst I am the eldest of three. His parents own a couple of small business ventures in town, whereas mine probably could only just about qualify to be employed by his. My mother has never worked, and my father has held various custodial and janitorial positions with different companies for as long as I can remember. But nevertheless, even with his meagre income, supplemented by my mother's income from her various entrepreneurial attempts, they have managed to ensure that my two siblings and I all had an equal opportunity to attend school. 

Gari's name is short for Garikayi; which means be at peace, be settled and be prosperous. He is so true to his name. I am most at peace when I am with him. He has a soft and gentle way of always calming the anxiety that I feel within. And trust me, these days anxiety seems to follow me wherever I go, like a shadow.

Gari and I met almost a year ago at the Inter-college Basketball Tournament, an event that all the colleges in our region look forward to. It is one weekend when all the basketball fanatics in the region come together and show off their skill of the game. Gari was playing on our senior boys' basketball team, whist I, well, I think I was there making a fool of myself more than anything. My friend Emma had convinced me to come and help out at the score-keepers' table, and I had hesitantly agreed, partly because I was curious to attend the weekends festivities, but I did not want to be by myself. So, because of that, I found myself fumbling around and trying to help keep an eye on the fair record keeping of the scores. 

I first noticed Gari as he sauntered onto the court at the beginning of the second quarter. He was looking straight at me as his strong, athletic body moved confidently to take his position on the court. I remember feeling my cheeks warm up as my eyes set on him too, unable to look away. Just as the ref was about to blow his whistle to mark the start of the game, Gari winked and smiled, still looking in my direction. I was sure he was not looking at me, but at the senior girls that had gathered in the bleachers behind us to watch the game, so I didn't smile back. Nonetheless, I felt a little embarrassed for thinking he had been looking at me.

No matter how hard I tried to distract myself throughout that game, my eyes somehow found themselves landing on Gari. He was tall and with an athletic ability that enable him to maneuver around the court with ease. His perfectly groomed hair and "tattoo-less" smooth fair skin gave away the fact that he was different from his team mates, most of whom had long scraggly hair or tattoos on their arms or legs. Gari was clean and I found myself picking him as my favourite on the team. The game was close, they were playing against Lord Sinclair High School, who had beaten our school by large margins in the past tournaments, so them having a 2-point lead in the fourth quarter was a big achievement for our school. With four minutes to go until the final whistle, the crowd was on their feet, those cheering for our school were excited at the possibility that we could win this game.

With just two minutes to go,  Gari was fouled. I was not sure what the call would be, and watched as all the focus turned to the ref who had blown the whistle. He put his hands up as he spoke, advising us at the table who, on the other team, had committed the foul as Emma wrote everything down. Then he put up two fingers, and shouted "two" at Gari and threw the ball to him. The crowd went wild, cheering excitedly, and I realised that this was a good thing. Gari looked in my direction again, and he made his way to the free-throw line. In what seemed like a sanctified moment, the crowd went silent, and I found myself secretly praying that he would make the shots. I watched as he steadied himself, bouncing the ball the ball hard several times as if he was commanding it to do as he bid. Then he lifted his head, took aim and released the ball in one smooth motion. That was the moment where I understood what they meant when they said "swoosh". The ball glided smoothly into the ring and through the net. "Basket!" I heard someone cheer. The crowd roared and clapped. The girls behind me screamed. I smiled. Gari turned to look at me, then he stretched his hand and pointed in my direction. I turned around to look behind me, but there was no-one there. The girls that I thought had been behind me the whole time had left.

"Girl! Looks like Mr. Superstar has the hots for you!" Emma squealed in delight. I blushed. I blushed so hard that if you could see it through my skin, I would have probably looked as red as a ripe tomato, because my cheeks were burning.