I'll Be Good

The Devil

"He himself doesn't want to face the pain, it's a self destructive mechanism. It's for when you want to lie to yourself, it's not even to show other people. When you have to face your own fears, emotions, when you have to face yourself and what you're really feeling, that's the hardest time"

The first verse began, echoing throughout the room. Adi's shoulders tensed as the memories began to form in his mind's eye. A tic pulsed in his jaw but he pushed on. To remember would help him to forgive and forget.

I thought I saw the devil
This morning
Looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue
With the warning
To help me see myself clearer

Aditya's face contorted as he remembered the harsh insults he threw at himself that day. The man he was looking at in the mirror then wasn't him. This man's eyes were rimmed with red, tears trailed down his cheeks. He'd lost everything. He was drunk off his feet, with no control over the words that tumbled from his mouth. He'd drowned himself in the momentary void of alcohol to block out the incessant clamours in his head. Weeks of restraint from the drug had caused the torrent of self loathing to build till the dam finally broke. He found himself staring at his reflection in the glow of the rising sun. Yet, the warmth of its rays did nothing for the hollow, sober, cold man that stood there. Aditya was a mere shred of the man he once was.

The echoes that continually rang through his head, pushing him further to the edge were torture. In his mind's eye, Adi saw himself fling the canister of drink at the glass, shattering it. The shards had fallen around his feet, some cutting into his skin, the nicks bringing forth blood instantly. Yet, he didn't notice. This sound pulled him out of the memory, back to the present.

It was frankly astounding to Aditya now how he didn't realise the repercussions of his actions. He was harming himself yet he didn't see that this would fall back on his shoulders. It was from this moment onward that his mental health started to deteriorate. He couldn't dwell on that train of thought now, however.

In one fluid motion, he got to his feet and released some of the tension from his shoulders. He let the lyrics surround him and immersed himself in the melody. It was time to 'face the music'.

A/N:

The opening quote is from Katrina Kaif's interview with Anupama Chopra. It is regarding her character Babita in her new movie 'Zero'. I have obviously done a pronoun switch but this particular response was particularly hard hitting, and so fitting for this chapter. Also, can we acknowledge Harshad in this shot and this scene in general? What an actor. It was a surprisingly profound interview and I may just venture to watch the movie for her performance (bearing in mind my opinions of SRK lmao).

Yes, I know, this chapter is particularly short but I will update on the 1st (what WAS 2018 gosh). Please bear in mind that this is a SHORT story so these chapters, snippets are rather short but it is inspired from a song. Also, I write rather spontaneously. Idea? Get jotting. Just have that materialised, no matter how short, long, bad good. 

Of course, I don't take myself so seriously as a "writer" because meri aukaad bhi kya hai is literary duniya mein. I just WRITE. Jo likh sakti hoon main likhti hoon. This idea came forth of Jaymes Youngs' song and the ideas that came from BP's dis-satisfactory ending. I'm making this as concise as possible for now because bhagwaan jaane if I'll have the time to expand it. I frankly hae no idea what 2019 is going to throw at me so, here's this little story.

Though this is a rather dark story, I don't want to delve into things that I literally do not have the time to expand on but I will touch upon some topics throughout Aditya's journey and if any of you want to just reach out or talk to me regarding them once you do read of them, do message me.

So, how was this small update? Do let me know!

Dhyan x