I'll Be Good

Is grace a weakness?

I'll be good, I'll be good
And I'll love the world, like I should
Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good
For all of the time
That I never could

As he danced, Aditya heard their sobs as they echoed through the dark night. The devastation had ruined them then, but worse was yet to come. Adi's body continued to stretch, contort, pivot as the trauma came to the front of his mind. He could recall the hatred, anger, doubt that had consumed him for weeks afterwards. Today, however, he promised himself that he would turn on a new leaf. Yes - he would change, learn to look at the world in a way he never thought he could again. He had dealt for far too long with this anguish. The medium to do that was through dance. Aditya's therapist was right: art was truly liberating, no matter what form it came in.

My past has tasted bitter
For years now
So I wield an iron fist
Grace is just weakness
Or so I've been told
I've been cold, I've been merciless
But the blood on my hands scares me to death
Maybe I'm waking up today.

Aditya took a break from practicing his choreography to sit back and draw more inspiration. To take leaps forward in his recovery, he'd have to retrace the mistakes of his past. Now, as he sat there, he began to ponder on just how far back the pain had begun to be inflicted. Perhaps the emotional stress of his parents' fights had manifested into a twisted sense of guilt for things he never did? Or was it the brutal murder of a classmate that he managed to blame himself for? So much more had transpired over the years that the young man, at 18, emerged from Sixth Form as someone with impenetrable armour.

When he was in his 20s, further pain was inflicted. His father, an eminent lawyer, was slaughtered for revenge. In the chaos and grief that ensued, somehow, the blame fell back onto his shoulders. The loss of her husband, no matter how tumultuous their marriage, had sent his mother into shock. She repeatedly said that it was the distance from his family that drove Harshvardhan further into the embrace of a hectic work schedule. It was that one case he chose to fight that sealed his fate. Yes he won it, but his family lost the pillar in their lives. Aditya's wretched, intolerable behaviour was somehow to blame. Such was the life of Aditya Hooda.

Pain, blame, shame, repeat. To get away from all this, he had to leave. After graduating with perfect grades- what else could he commit to?-, he'd decided to become a pilot. Miles and miles away from solid ground, being in the air helped establish palpable distance from everything – the people, the environment – it was truly liberating. Yet in all of this, he still felt hollowness inside. He became cold, merciless towards anyone who tried to show some semblance of care towards him. He'd become an even harsher, weaker man than before. He was sick of showing grace, vulnerability. Nothing good had ever come of it before. If he didn't let it, nothing could ever hurt him. He was sure of that.

But, as Aditya was soon to recall, one day, he'd had the last of it. He had decided to change. Only one woman was responsible: Zoya Siddiqui.

A/N:

Yes, you read that right, we're finally going to see more people in the story! Zoya will make an appearance in the next part (which I can't wait to unveil..) There are around 4 parts left. All this builds up to the finale.. will it be a good one? 

Thank you for the response to this short story! Do let me know what you guys thought of this part! Frankly, I'd appreciate a little more interaction :)

Coming to the chapter, here begins the entire source of the concern: faulty cognition and low self esteem. If any of you want to discuss anything with me after reading the chapter, do leave a comment regarding the same or message me directly, on this platform. I'm always here. After all, this story is for that purpose, in a way. To let you know that people always have their own demons to tackle, you're not alone in your struggle.

Dhyan x