Destined

77.

I left.

But only because I knew that I needed too. Being around Jayon was dangerous and I felt like I couldn't control myself when I was around him. Thoughts spiraled into my mind, forcing me to hold back tears. I was about to give him my virginity. Something so sacred, I was about to give up, knowing the history I shared with him.

He would have taken it, but nothing between us would have changed. We would still be the same old Dj and Jayon, loving each other from a distance or not loving each-other at all. The only difference would be that I would have felt stupid giving him something I knew would not have kept him around. No matter what Jayon said there would always be a space between us. Mentally and emotionally. It might have seemed stupid for me to keep falling into his arms when I knew something bad would come out of it eventually, but I couldn't help myself. I craved him all the time even when I tried to make myself hate him.

The door had already been unlocked by the time I got to it. Deon had looked at me concerned, following after me when I made it out of the house.

"Dj!" He called. "Dj! Where are you going?"

"Home," I said quickly.

"What happened between you and-"

"Dj, stop!" Deon is cut off by Jayon, who appeared to have been chasing me. I was surprised he followed me out of his room, because I didn't expect him too. He didn't follow me the last couple of times.

"Deon go back inside," I tell him, trying to find the key to Amber's car door.

"Dj no, Jayon what happ-"

"GO BACK INSIDE DEON!" I screamed. I was sure the kids inside could have heard the way I yelled at him. He didn't need to see me and Jayon arguing, he didn't need to see us fighting. I didn't need to hear his input on our relationship. He was 14 years old and he needed to stay 14.

He looked at me angrily, turning around to go back inside of the house. I would pick them both up later. It wasn't even midnight yet and I'm sure Adrian was looking for him.

"You just gone leave me like that? Again?" Jayon's voice broke, but it was deep. I wasn't trying to hurt him again. It was the last thing I wanted to do. Especially after the speech his mother had just given me.

"I need you to go back inside of your house, and supervise your sister's party Jayon. We can't talk about this right now,"

"Fuck that," he spit, making his way closer to me. His eyes were red and his lips were parted. He looked done, but not done enough. I knew he assumed for me to give our relationship another chance, but my mind just wasn't there right now. Not completely. I needed distance from him. The type of distance that required for me to not see him at all.

"Why are you making this hard? Just let me go," I told him, looking into his eyes.

"I told you that's exactly what I wasn't doing. You're fucking hard headed and crazy. You were just about to give me your virginity 10 minutes ago, and now here you go with this dramatic shit. I don't get it, I thought we were gonna be good Dj,"

"I thought I was going to do that too, but things change Jayon! I was being stupid because I love you, and loving someone puts you in fucked up situations and loving you has given me a fucked up mindset."

"Wow," he nodded. "I've been in fucked up situations with you way before we even started this...whole thing. Your saying everything is my fault? Your saying it's all on me?"

"No I'm not saying that,"

"It sounds like it. But I see how you think, I really do. The shit you have put me through has been unnecessary but the love I have for you is necessary. When will you realize that it doesn't matter what either of us do? We're always gonna have a spot in each-others hearts,"