Innocence: Lost

Chapter Thirty-Three

To run away seemed wrong.

Luke had swallowed his deadly thoughts and promised to go with Ashton, but it was as if a part of the magical boy was forever gone.

Michael didn't get to run away.

The ballerina couldn't believe that he was riding in a plane, on the way to France. And it was all just for him.

It was strange. Luke's eyes were dull. Their sparkle didn't light up the space between them. When he kissed Ashton, all that the older man could taste was sweet peaches. Those peaches were filled with poison. It hit him.

Luke was not Luke anymore.

This Luke willing agreed to runaway. This Luke didn't blush when Ashton touched his thigh. This Luke was begging Ashton for sex. For more weed. Alcohol. Anything that would distract him. If only Ashton would have noticed sooner, maybe he wouldn't feel uneasy the entire ride there.

They had nowhere to go but a small town on the French coast. It was called Étretat. Ashton picked it for its roaring cliffs and cerulean water. Just like Monterey, where he met his Lu.  There was no possible way for them to get a house yet. They stayed in a rundown motel and used a translator to help them get their necessities.

Nothing felt quite right.

It was only a matter of time before people began looking for them. Luke insisted on running out to the cliffs just outside of the motel, so Ashton complied. Luke was hyper, always looking for new things to do. His limber, ballerina body danced across the rocks. His golden hair looked melted under the setting sun.

He sat on the largest rock and smiled to himself.

"Oh, Ashton. We're free," Luke whispered, breathless. Ashton sat beside him.

"Will you ever forgive me for what I did?" Ashton touched Luke's cheek. They were ruining each other even more. Luke giggled
again.

"I have forgiven you," Luke's short curls bobbed when he tilted his head in curiosity. He kissed Ashton's hand.

Ashton didn't believe him. He pulled Luke into his lap and held his small waist.

"What's happening to you? Is it Michael? Baby, please come back to me—" Ashton whispered brokenly.

Luke was far gone. His angel eyes were wide as the day Ashton met him at the festival. His creamy skin was soft, supple, honeyed. He was still beautiful. An angel in disguise with bright, angel eyes.

"Ashton, I'm okay," Luke smiled, "We're going to have a family, Ashy. Remember? You promised."

The last sentence was like a threat to Ashton. The young boy that he had loved: was lost.

He was wearing their promise ring. He was wearing Luke's clothes. He had Luke's voice, but Ashton was holding a complete stranger.

"Ashy, let's go inside," Luke winked. It petrified Ashton to see Luke not torn about his best friend. Luke cried when Ashton ran over squirrels in the road (by accident). How could he be so quick to forget Michael?

And it was Ashton's fault.

+

Luke showered when they finally went inside. The ocean was loud outside their motel room. Ashton didn't bother playing music or turning on the tv. He liked the sounds the body of water made.

He curiously watched Luke in the mirror. Luke was singing and twirling, fawning innocence. Ashton knew it was fake. It was then that Ashton noticed all the bruises and scars. Luke's pale skin was marked, branded. Did he cause that?

The two of them lied together on the bed. Luke caressed Ashton's shirtless body. He sang to the older boy. He held him close, but he was so far away. He wanted to beg Luke to wake up. Luke was flying away.

"Angel, please. This isn't you. Tell me we're wrong. Tell me you're mad! I'm vulgar! Say it!" Ashton cried. Luke just straddled his waist and kissed him deeply.

"Oh, hubby! I could never. I love you Ashy. You made me this way."

You made me this way.

Ashton let Luke ride him. It felt so good that he felt like he were the one flying. Luke's skin felt sweet on his. The pressure of his curved body felt like a fix to Ashton. His favorite fix.

Ashton was worried. He was paranoid. He wanted to help Luke feel again.

The room smelled like lavender and Luke. The stars in his eyes were flakes of lust. His small hands were not experimental, but knowing. Ashton didn't even feel bad when he pressed inside of him.

Ashton wanted to wreck Luke before, but he didn't want to destroy him. Luke was like some doll without any emotions. The real Luke Hemmings was dead.

Luke had seen way too much. He got what he wanted. He wanted to know everything about Ashton Irwin, but it costed him everything.

Luke could not even think of his parents. Ashton knew his mind was always on the thought of jumping. He loved the cliffs so much; Ashton put the pieces together.

Luke wanted to end it all. He felt empty, and Ashton knew it was all he craved anymore.

+

Luke was wearing his ballet uniform. Ashton didn't know why he brought it. It hugged him tight. The angel wings covered only his shoulder blades. The older man watched his lost lover twirl along the cliffs.

He was flying. Close to flying. He was as close as he could ever get.

And with each passing week, Ashton couldn't bring himself to watch any longer.

+

They had dinner. Made empty love. Luke sang to Ashton and played with his hair. The boy was dead inside, and Ashton wanted to look at him one last time.

He lifted Luke's chin.

"My angel?" Ashton cooed and kissed Luke.

"Mhmm?" Luke's sugary lips twisted in a smile.

"I know you can't do it anymore. I can't watch. You're so gone. I hate this. I—I know what I told you, but baby. I only want to make you happy. Will that bring you back to me?" Ashton was in tears. He gripped Luke's small body and sobbed into his neck. He felt Luke hug him.

"Yes."

And when he looked at Luke, he saw the angel from the club. He saw the boy on the windy beach with a peach between his lips. Those angel eyes were colorful. The innocence was all their. They were in Luke's backyard. It was summer again. Ashton felt safe. He saved Luke.

So, they locked hands. They kissed one last time. The French air reminded them of home, but there would be no drama here like there would be in Monterey.

"Angel eyes."

"Ashy."

"I love you," they said in unison.

And they became the ocean and the cliffs. Just as their destiny would have it.

—The End—