Extra Ordinary

14.

When the sun peeked inside my bedroom through the small crack between the curtains, yesterday evening already seemed far away. 

Asa was a good kisser. Not that I had any comparison material, but I knew he was. He'd guided me so well it had seemed I knew what I was doing, too. And his lips were warm and soft. His hands and his breath on my neck were warm, too. 

Goosebumps spread all over my skin at the memory. I covered my face with my sheets, smiling but feeling the need to hide at the same time.

Mom always wanted me to leave my attic room. She always urged me to 'live a little' and 'enjoy being young' and, man, did I do that. It was almost living too much. I felt like a one of the popular guys, going out, making out, and talking about it on Monday. Okay, I wouldn't talk about this on Monday but still. 

Maybe I was simply the person the popular guy 'took advantage' of for one night. It was a more likely tale than the other way around. Asa was popular. He didn't seem to have many friends or dates or anything, but I was sure many people would agree to be his friend or sleep with him if he approached them.

I had agreed in a heartbeat, just because he'd decided to give me the time of day for now. 

Seriously, this was too much for me. What the hell was I doing? 

Having my first kiss and immediately letting Asa grab my ass. It sounded so vulgar. Not like something a geek from the misfit table would do. It wasn't something I imagined I'd ever do - and not for a lack of fantasising about stuff like that. 

I only regretted that Asa didn't allow me to touch him. He'd grabbed my hands, guiding them away from his body when I'd finally worked up the courage to gingerly reach out. I didn't dare to ask him why afterward, when he brought me home in his car. 

Rubbing my eyes, I pushed the sheets off of me with my feet. 

I still had no idea what was going through Asa's mind. Or what exactly he wanted from me. Or how we'd act in school after this. I didn't even have his phone number to call him or ask him to meet up elsewhere. 

What the hell was I doing, indeed. 

Saturday, I spent all my time streaming Double Singularity single player games and then streaming some more - it helped distract me from real life and all the scary shit that came with it, if only for a moment. 

On Sunday, the realisation that tomorrow was Monday hit me like a bag of bricks. All the panic that I'd happily been avoiding on Saturday, and the fact that I had no close real life friends I could talk to, drove me to desperate measures. 

The group chat with my never-serious online friends.

extra_ordinary: guys we made out

Marius: GASP. EO! you promised not to tell anyone about us! 

Chip: I think I'd remember it if we made out

extra_ordinary: NO. FFS. I meant I did with that same gu

I backspaced, changing 'gu' into 'girl.' 

extra_ordinary:  girl who said they considered it a compliment if I looked at their ass

Marius: EEuj, next on things that didn't happen

extra_ordinary: It did and now idk what to do. like how do i act monday?

Chip: idk, the way u always do?

Marius: yea, just make sure you don't make out with her in public

Marius: tends to freak ppl out when you're suddenly going at it with your right hand