cruel ; zayn

quatre

there's more to life
than sleeping in and
getting high with you.
•

    I do not well remember the day I decided to leave Vic. I'm sure I had to have waited until about month after the concert. I vaguely remember it being a rainy day, and it might have been Sunday. Vic and I were both off of work that day. Possibly, anyways, I can't say for sure.

     I remember that it was a fairly good day. I remember that because it's the first time in a long time I'd  laughed at anything Vic had said. It's always been hard to look at him ever since he changed, and I remember that day I was reminded of which parts of him I'd met before that I hadn't seen in a while, that I missed.

He passed me the blunt. I don't remember what he said to me, but I can almost see it in my head, there was a smile on my face and on his. I remember that afternoon we sat with the porch door open, in our bedroom. Wide open with the screen door shut. There was something in the air that day. I was in my panties and I had Vic's shirt tied up above my stomach. My hair was wrapped up. Right in front of that porch window.

This day was different somehow. Not for any particular reason that I can think of. But because whenever Vic would pass me the blunt, I would tap it. I had no fear, I had no anxiety. I was practically numb. I was so high. I was laughing hysterically and forgetting my words and I could not wipe the smile off my face.

Vic was laughing too. We sat next to each other on the bed just laughing. And then he tickled me. I remember that because there is nothing I hate more than being tickled. And when he started tickling me, I had to think quickly so I wouldn't accidentally hurt him. The way I'll start to kick and scream, it gets intense!

Swiftly, I wrap my legs around his waist and slip my wrists out of his hands, rewrapping my arms around his neck. Hugging him tightly, I pressed my body against his and tried to roll us over. My plan would have worked, but... I don't know. It's just that I had smoked two blunts in a row, and frankly, I was not that strong.

Vic collapsed on top of me. We both shared a laugh, and then he looked me in the eyes. He has this dumb smirk on his face. I kissed his upper lip. He looked so cute then. He kissed my neck, trailing one of his fingers from the very top of my breast, down my cleavage. His thumb brush passed my nipple making me shiver. I moaned, feeling his dick jump at the sound of my voice. His touch was hot against my skin as his finger passed my navel and made its way into my panties. I was dripping wet at this point. He noticed. He kissed his way down my body, following the same trail his finger left.

(tw: this part is kind of rapey)
I was in complete bliss, I remember. At least... for a moment. But then, I don't remember why, but the mood changed. It was like there was a shift in the air. The arousal that was knotting in my stomach dissipated, as if in thin air. It was like flashbacks and memories poured in, not letting me forget who he was. I didn't want him to touch me anymore.

But you have to handle these situations delicately.

God knows, if I were to do or say the wrong thing, it would only be a moment before Victor showed me what he was made of.

"Vic, I..." I whispered.

He chuckled, smug,"I know, girl."

He didn't know.

"I..." I shifted from underneath him. "I have to go to the bathroom."

Vic's hands were still gripping me tightly and he wouldn't let me move. He continued to try to pleasure me. I squirmed and grunted, but not out of enjoyment— but in frustration. I began to feel disgust for myself and him, too.

"Vic, move, please." I started to become angry. I pushed his head, and he continued restraining me. "Stop." He ignored me again.

I gave up.

I gave in.

I had no fight in me.

I let his tongue play on my clitoris, and his fingers play in my pussy, but I never came. I didn't moan, or squirm. I laid there still until he decided he was finished. And then when he let go of me, got up and began to untie his sweatpants, I stood from the bed.

"I'm not feeling well." I told him.

"What, you don't love me?" He asked, he pulled his pants off and began stroking himself.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, before saying, "Nah."

He looked at me with a blank stare, but i swear behind those beautiful brown eyes I saw every emotion. First, he was sad, and then angry.

I walked towards the bathroom, hoping to escape him, but he caught me by my wrist. Vic put me up against the wall and pulled my shirt up, kissing on my neck, my chest.

"You don't mean that, baby." He whispered in my ear, before gripping me by my neck, forcefully.

"I do," I choked out. I don't know what in that moment came over me. I knew in the moment that I was going to leave him. I knew I had to. So much so, that I don't think I even tried to fight it when he slid his dick inside me, trying to fuck me into loving him.

It didn't work.

-

As I packed up my bags, Vic didn't say a word, and that surprised me. I don't know if he didn't believe that I was leaving, or maybe that he didn't care. He just sat there on his phone, smoking a blunt. I heard his phone ring, and he answered it still sitting there on the bed.

"Hey, Trin," I heard him say. You could hear the smugness in his voice. He thought he had one up on me, I rolled my eyes. "What you doing, baby?"

He laughed as they exchanged words. He might have asked her to smoke with him or match with him, his no-game-having-ass. I don't think I cared. I don't think I was feeling much at all. Maybe, high, and not from the weed but high off the taste of freedom and frantically trying to make it there before my window closed.

I threw a few bags out of the bedroom door
and grabbed a last suitcase to fill, looking around the rooms for things that could be important.

I walked over to the dresser, pulling out a jewelry box with a bracelet that belonged to my grandfather. I opened it, smiling, knowing— or maybe hoping that he'd proud of me in this moment.

I didn't look back, or even say goodbye. I don't really recall how long it took to get everything packed up into my car. I just started it, and I began to drive, I pulled out my phone.

"Um, hey."

-
i don't even think my apology is worth anything after how long it's been. i just got a jolt of motivation to finish this chapter i started months ago so i'll just apologize if it's all over the place.