Indifferent or not || Taekook

16 - Do I?

Fan art by Saldin

19th January

„Tae, are you even listening? " i hear my best friend asking me, but my brain doesn't seem to cooperate with me. My minds been full mess, full of thoughts why do i feel what i feel and why am i bubbly around Jungkook and maybe i just think too much.
„Tae?" I finally snap out when i see hand waving in front of my face.

„I'm sorry Jiminie" I give him an apologetic look. „what were you saying?"

„you're getting distracted a lot lately, we should hang out like in old times. " Jimin suggests. I appreciate his concern. „but we hang out all the time." I slide my eyes back to nothingness in a space.

„No, i mean only you and me. I have a few things i want to ask and discuss with you." He smiles lightly and rubs his thumb against my cheek gently. I can feel myself soften.

„Ok." I agree with him in the end.

Thats right. I can't hang out just with Jungkook, i'm gonna go crazy if i do. I've been too much observing around him than i ever was. I think I've gone crazy already.

School is pretty.. demanding. This 3rd year is like the whole life of learning, studying. It's hard, really hard. My mom tries to o help me, making me snacks, mostly fruits, and bringing them in my room when I'm studying.

Christmas and New year passed really fast i don't even remember them clearly. It was just a lot of things happening at the same time. I learned that my mother and father don't get along anymore. It's weird but looking back, father wasn't always with us. No, they didn't fight, they didn't scream or yell at each other, they grew apart. Father isn't interested in his family anymore.. I don't really remember if he ever was. So it's not that heart breaking for me.. He is rather someone who lives next to us than with us.

It's not that heart breaking because i don't see my mother sad. She looks like she's ok with it. She wants to take care of us, me and my older brother. Brother is few years older than me, he's 22, going to college already, living by himself in a dorm, he's independent.

He's something I'll never be.

22nd February

„You what?" Jimin asks too loud and wides his eyes. We're sitting in his and Yoongi's apartment. It's funny how quickly both of them grew to each other and moved together.
„Don't shout.. I like Jungkook, i mean i may like Jungkook but i don't know myself.. I'm confused.. " I spill the tea covering my face with hands in embarrassment and desperation.

„What do you mean you're confused?" He looks at me with puzzled expression.
„I'm confused about why he suddenly looks so fricking attractive. Because i've never found him attractive before. He's my friend. "

„That doesn't mean you can't find him attractive. "

„No, when you're great friend with someone you don't find them that attractive you want them to throw themselves on you or yourself on them, Jimin.. " I frown but my voice is trailed with clear desperation as i really don't know what to do.

„Ok, so you can do this.. You can test yourself, if you really like him more than friend.. Try initiate something between you two and you'll see how gonna be your reaction to that, how you'll feel, hm?" Jimin looks at me with sparkling eyes.

„That's weird, Jimin." I shake my head.

„How else should you find out if he's more than friend to you or not?" One of his brows moves up in question and i give it a thought. There's no better way to find out.

And so I did.