𝐒𝐄𝐀 𝐆𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐒. rin matsuoka

4 | cobalt blue

松岡 凛
RIN MATSUOKA

          I could still remember the first time I called her by her first name. "Hiro? Sounds like a guy's name" I laugh, as I mock her.

"Speak for yourself, Rin" she shot back, stating how girly mine sounded.

"Hiro" I repeated smiling at her. I liked the way her name sounded close to 'hero', the way she manages to save the people around her, the way she managed to save me before our friendship fell apart. Maybe that was the entire reason I hit a wall. Because this time I didn't have Hiro to save me—

          "Senpai?" my junior, Aiichiro Nitori, snaps me out of my thoughts, and I stop staring at nothing. We had just been swimming a few laps and now we were in the locker room, right after we were dismissed.

"Is something the matter?" He asks.

"Not really," I brush him off as he tells me, "You were so happy about beating Nanase-san."

I gulped down the sports drink in my water jug before answering, "Yeah."

"Then you can move on now!" my junior exclaims happily despite the internal conflict I couldn't shake off. There was that thing with Haru and the others that I couldn't resolve, and now, Hiro's been on my mind for the past few days ever since Gou mentioned her name. How the fuck do I move on from that?

          "Oiii, hurry up. We're leaving." Captain opens the door to the locker room to call us.

"Huh? Where are we going?" Nitori asks polietly.

Our captain tells us, with the other guys behind him, "Weren't you listening? We're off to pray for victory."

▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬

"Hiiiiro!" I exclaim, laughing. It was the day after I made up with Sousuke after our pathetic attempt of a relay. Hiro had been supporting me from behind, telling me that "even if you aren't suited in the same team, you're still friends, aren't you?". T'was thanks to her that I earned the push I've been looking for.

"What is it?" she narrows her eyes at me before I tell her.

"Your name really suits you," I smile.

"What's all this about?" she looks at me suspiciously as if I had something up my sleeves.

"I just wanted to say thanks" I say.

"For what?"

"Because you're my hero" I grin, and she punches me out of embarrassment.

"What's with that?"

"Well, you save me every time."

'To bad that's no longer true', I began to get lost in my thoughts once again, right after we visit the shrine and pray for victory.

Today was Hachiman-sama's summer festival, the streets were bustling with people.  Everyone seemed like they were enjoying themselves. In fact, the kids look ecstatic. It reminded me a lot of the summer festivals we went to every time Hiro visited during summer from Tokyo. I was walking around for quite some time and Nitori had been following me around. I was thinking of dropping by at Iwatobi Elementary School, and at this point Nitori had noticed, "There aren't any stalls over here."

"I know," I tell him.

"Let's go back"

"You can go back," I say and he stops trailing me from then on.

A couple of moments later I step on an object, an azure pendant with a silver chain. It was a necklace I found familiar. But I didn't bother recalling where I saw it before until I turn back and find a woman in a navy blue yukata, with her hair pinned in a bun. The flashlight on her cellphone was turned on, and she seemed like she was looking for something.

"Miss, are you searching for this?" I ask. She turns off the flashlight on her phone before looking back at me. I immediately realize who she is as soon as she looks up at me.

Hiro Akiyama. The only girl whose azure orbs was something I'd get lost in. The only girl who's been haunting my thoughts. The only girl who I fell in love with.

I was holding the necklace at the palm of my hand, until she noticed who she was looking as, and she turns pale at the sight.

"Hiro—" I speak up, trying to clarify everything that's happened between us. I was a coward who couldn't face the girl he loved because for all I knew, she would be disappointed at the sight of a dreamless boy in front of her. But that's changed, I've finally won. I've finally become someone she could pay attention to—

"Thanks," she cuts me off, taking the necklace almost immediately. "I owe you one."

"Hiro—" I repeat, only to have her turn around and walk away. But I couldn't have that.

'If she looks back,' I think, recalling how she's been finding the necklace of our childhood. 'If she looks back even once then maybe we can put the past behind us—'

And so she does, and once she did, I was a step behind her close enough to grab her wrist.

"Say something," I tell her, and she immediately glares at me.

"Say something?" She asks. "You ignored me for years and now you want me to speak to you?"

I couldn't speak a word.

"What do you want me to say?" She crosses her arms once she pulls her arm away from my grop. "I miss you? I'm glad you're back?—"

"Fine. You don't have to say a word. I just wanted to tell you something," I take it back, trying to find the words to tell her.

"Right. Well, I owe you one so I'll give you a chance. What do you want to say, Matsuoka?" she queries. It broke my heart to see her so full of rage. It broke my heart to have her talk to me as if I was a stranger.

"Watch my match please. I'll show you how great I've become—"

"Fuck no," she cusses.

"After everything you've done, do you honestly think I'll cheer you on like I used to?" The girl stares at me with her piercing gaze.

I don't speak, and I start to regret my decisions. Because the next thing I knew, Hiro Akiyama slipped away from me.