love runs deeper than scars

two - get me through

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「kaycee rice」

there was no way out. no windows, no holes anywhere, no secret flaw that was missed. the door wouldn't happen without a code, and if I looked at the box while he was putting it in I was guaranteed dead.

I was slowly driving myself insane. being trapped in this room all day, every day, started to mess up my brain. i'd become severely claustrophobic, not to mention lonely. the only human interaction I had was entirely against my will.

at least there was a tv in the room. I think that I would die of boredom before hunger if there wasn't. 

my body was slowly tearing itself apart, too. within a year of being stuck in this room, there were more purple bruises than actual pale skin, and I could clearly see my ribs. for every cut, bruise, scar, I was able to recall how it happened. how drunk he had come home, how hard he had hit me, the words he spat in my face. it was all there, sitting on my arms, legs, stomach neck, face... and it would always be there.

i'm not sure why I hadn't just killed myself yet. there were multiple opportunities for me to do so, but I just couldn't. a part of me still believed that i'd escape eventually, that the police would find something they missed the first few times.

not even after a year, the headline of my disappearance stopped showing up on the news. like everyone forgot it happened, just gave up on me. 

and that hurt like hell.

because here I was, trapped all alone in this tiny room, being beaten and raped on a daily basis. no one to heal me and no one to hold me. I needed that, and I didn't have it.

then again, all of this was my fault. I was the one who didn't break it off as soon as I noticed that this relationship wasn't going in the direction it should've been going. I was the one who didn't tell anyone what he was doing to me. I was the one who let gabe lure me in until I didn't have any way out. so technically, I don't have the right to be getting mad about them giving up on finding me if it's my fault I was abducted in the first place.

I guess i'm the one who owes them an apology then, not the other way around.

I got myself into this mess, after all.

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no one really thinks about what it'd be like to be abducted until it's happened to them. at least I never did. it doesn't seem like something that would just be on someone's mind, so we never really worry about it until we see it happening on the news.

so naturally, I had never planned on how to get out of a situation like this.

there was nothing to do, nothing to get me through this pain-filled life.

and because I didn't know what to do,

I gave up all hope.

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a/n this chapter ended up being really short because I didn't really didn't know what to write since all this was supposed to be was a filler for the first few years after kaycee was abducted. so basically all I wrote about was how she felt.

yeah, this short ass chapter is what I was stuck on for two months.

oops.

sorry.

also enjoy the new profile pic because I finally realized that the last one didn't fit my depressed self at all and this one is much better.

i'm gonna try and work on the third chapter now, which should be much easier because it's about when she's pregnant.

i'm sorry if it ends up being extremely short as well, the only actual planning i've done for this story is the chapter names and a song in each one.

k bye lovies.

-bea 💕