you want it darker | michael langdon

chapter seven; love an act of cruelty.

"So what does this teacher guy got that I don't have?"

Primrose sighed into her coffee mug; she knew that Julien was going to react badly to the news of her dirty dreams, but he'd known something was up when she revealed she'd had a nightmare-free rest the previous few nights. He'd poked and prodded her until she didn't have the strength to fight him anymore and simply gave in and told him.

"God, you talk like I actually fucked the guy!" She exclaimed a little too loudly, the other people in the dining hall looking down the table at her with a sneer.

"But clearly you want to, if he's showing up in your dreams." Julien's sister Juliet chipped in. Juliet was like most of the people on level eight, well-bred and bitchy, but she was harmless enough; true malice required a certain degree of depth, of which Juliet was somewhat lacking in.

"Whatever I do, and whoever I like is solely my business, people." Primrose fired back.

"I-i think he sounds l-lovely." Etu said, quietly.

"Nobody asked you, worm." Julien snapped, the other boy cowering at his harsh tone.

"He's got a point, Jules." Juliet said. "Older guys are hot, especially teachers."

"What is this guy even teaching you anyway?" Julien asked, eyeing Prim suspiciously.

"P-piano." She blurted out in a panic.

"Hmm, I bet you wish he'd tickle your ivories!" Juliet purred, salaciously.

"Juliet, stop!" Primrose swatted her gently on her arm. "That's not even a very good pun."

"He really lights my fire, y'know?" Primrose sighed, dreamily.

"It sounds like a case of reading too much Bronte, if you ask me." Julien scoffed.

This strange and powerful man, the man with no name, he occupied her every thought. She couldn't help but gush about him to her companions (leaving out the less appealing details, such as the demon face and the choking, of course.)

"Are you gonna go to the Halloween ball, Prim?" Julien asked, desperately trying to change the subject. "After all, Halloween your birthday, isn't it?"

"I'm not sure, I'm not really one for pomp and circumstance." She replied, grimacing at the thought of dancing amidst a sea of drunk snobs.

"You have to go!" Juliet exclaimed. "The sanctuary's best and brightest will all be in attendance, thus meaning there's a very good chance we'll meet your mysterious tutor!"

Julien sighed exasperatedly and dropped his fork onto his plate with unbridled irritation. "I'm out of here." He announced as he left the table with a typically dramatic flair. "Come and find me when you're bored of talking about Heathcliff." He sneered.

"Jeez, I didn't realize he'd be that upset." Primrose spoke, quizzically.

"G-guys like him a-aren't used to not getting w-what they w-want." Etu explained. "I-i'd be c-careful if I were y-you."

"Anyways... has anyone else been having trouble with the clocks?" Juliet casually enquired as she sipped at her wine.

"Hmm? Oh, yes. I think my grandfather clock is in need of repair, now that you mention it." Primrose replied. "Why do you ask?"

"It's just that all of mine are broken too." Juliet said.

Hmm, Primrose thought to herself. Curiouser and curiouser.

-

After speaking with her friends, she had never more so wished that dreams were like reality.

Primrose sat across from him on her bed once more, and here they were yet again, so close but so far away.

He had not mentioned the events of their last lesson. How she had wanted him to kiss her. How he had choked her in response.

How hot and bothered the entire ordeal had left her.

But it seemed it would not be discussed. He had marched right into the day's lesson without so much as a 'hello'. He spoke to her about telekinesis with all the formal indifference of a paid tutor; there was nothing more to it, and nothing less.

He could be so cold to her and yet she craved his warmth; he was like fire and ice, searingly beautiful but dangerous too.

His rejection would be easier to swallow were she not so sure her attraction was not unrequited; she wasn't sure how, but she just knew he felt the same way she did.

That feeling when their hands first met... it was impossible to deny.

"This book. Take it from me without using your hands." He instructed her, snapping her out of her daydream. "If you want something enough, you should reach out and take it."

"That didn't exactly work out for me last time though, did it?" She blurted out, kicking herself as sound as the words left her lips.

"Prim..." he began. "You don't... you don't want this. Trust me." He sighed as the book fell into his lap.

She dared to move forward, closer to him, resting her hand ever so gently on his lower thigh. "I do, sir. I really do."

"You think you know what you want, but you don't." He insisted as the space between them rapidly grew smaller.

"I think that I want you and you want me, and that's all either of us needs to know."

And then suddenly his lips were on hers with all the intensity and brevity of a bolt of lightning; the kiss was as beautiful as it was brief.

"Please don't run off again." She quietly pleaded with him, but it was in vain. Some inner struggle prevented him from going the full distance they both so desperately desired.

"Let me ease whatever it is that's plaguing you." She offered, their foreheads pressed together as he squeezed his eyes shut, but he could only shake his head as the tears fell.

"I can't ruin you twice, you can't ask that of me." He sobbed.

"Ruin me twice? What do you mean?"

He hesitated before answering. "Would you believe me if I told you we had met before? Only not in this life, of course."

"There is someone bleeding to death inside me," she said. "And you know who it is."

Primrose grew annoyed at the heavy silence that followed. "Why is it you create more questions that you answer? Why do you stir such feelings and then refuse to acknowledge them!"

"Because I am not the man you so deserve and desire! I am not the gallant hero from your romance novels, I am the villain!" He shot back, his eyes ablaze with fury. "The monster under your bed, the foe of your childhood nightmares! I am not a man you could ever, ever love!"

"Insecurity is no reason to treat me this way!" She tearfully replied.

"I do all this because who could ever love a monster?" He sighed with absolute resolution. She could see that she would not change his mind, but she had to at least try.

"Perhaps I want the monster. Perhaps I crave it. Perhaps the biggest mistake the last time we supposedly met was never asking me what I want and making all my decisions for me."

"I'm sorry Primrose, but I love you too much to destroy you again."

-

How Primrose wept and wept that night. Damn that man! How dare he inflame her in such a way and then gallantly refuse to do anything about it!

She decided then that she deemed his love an act of cruelty, and set about inflicting her own personal retribution. She would never hurt him, of course, but if he was truly going to make her a victim of her own desire, then she would not suffer alone. He would have to sit down shut up and listen to her every tale of woe.

But where to find him?

She threw back the covers and reached for the magick book he had left her, landing on a page about transmutation...