The Unexplainable Reality of Everything

Dear Reader, 

If you're reading this, it's likely that I'm already gone; I can't go on like this anymore, but I couldn't just leave the whole issue unfinished, you see, theres so much stuff in my life which no-one pays attention to. Ever since i can remember I've always had quite a lot of friends, I've always been the 'peace keeper' of the group, everyone is so obsessed in their own lives they don't spend time looking at and helping others, which I now realised I did a bit to much, so much so that every just expected me to be, well... perfect in a way. And this went on for ages, the pressure building up, crushing me more and more with every passing day, and theres no escape from this, it's like a Wirlpool, sucking me in, getting tighter and tighter, until I'm being suffocated by my own thoughts. No-one cares how I feel, and I'm not just saying that to celebrate my own pity party, I mean it. My friends, the people who I've grown up with, known since primary school, they are using me, I'm like a punchbag to them, just someone to take out your anger on, someone to just use to blame all of the shit in your life on. And I was that punchbag. If everyone I knew was just using me, what was the point? Everyone made it clear enough that they didn't want to hear about my feelings, or my opinions, ever. I just wanted to be noticed, I wanted to be able to talk to someone like they did, only, no one would listen. And even you, who's now reading this, you're going to read it, You're going going to enjoy it, then in a few days you'll have forgotten it, maybe not fully, but something else will have come along, something that is more important, something that overrides this story, because that's the thing, the unexplainable reality of everything, that whatever you do, whatever you say, there is always going to be something more important, something that will need to be thought about more than your worthless problems. And thats why I'm leaving, because I'm never going to be someones number 1, I'm never going to be someones priority, and I hate to say it, but you wont be either. Because the thing with us humans is that we prioritise ourselves over everyone else, we are our own number 1s, and I was stupid enough, my whole life, the whole 15 years I've been on this planet, I've made myself my own number 2, so I won't be anyone elses priority, and I will never be my own, so whats the point? I'm sorry, I'm sorry I've burdened you with this mess, I'm sorry... 

Yours sincerely,

Emma Willensworth