Lost|Kimmich

siebenundsechzig

Sophia got ready and she left with Ruby and Dele.They met the rest of the English team there and everyone was excited about tomorrow,well everyone but her.

She was dead inside,literally the last thing she wanted was to be in the position she was but she didn't want to destroy everyone's night especially Dele's.He had a mayor game the next day and the last thing she wanted was to make her best friend upset or stress him even more,Ruby could see that and that's why she was trying not to talk about her break up but that was the only thing that was in Sophia's mind.

She wanted to breath,she felt like there was not enough air for her ,she felt like she was drowning.She knew that she was soon going to pass another panic attack and she knew that she had to get out of the restaurant so as to have a better access on the fresh air.

She let herself down.She was familiar with the panic attacks after the eventful event of her neighbor's and also friend's death right in front of her eyes but she had managed to get through them and overcome them.Now though she had lost Joshua from her and it felt like she had lost a mayor part of herself,that's another panic attack was on the way.

"I'll be back."Sophia told Ruby while she stood up.

"Wait where are you going?"

"I need to get air."

"Okay i am coming with you."

"No stay here and don't tell Dele that i wasn't feeling good he has already enough on his mind."

"Okay but as soon as you want something call me and i will be there immediately."

"Okay."

With that she stood up and she head to the entrance where she sat on the stairs.The cold air of Moscow hit her face and she took a bug breath.All the memories hit her back and she was trying to understand how they manage to get to the situation they were.They had built so much the last year only to be deleted by what was actually minor.

Then it happened,the first tears made their way.She couldn't hold it anymore,she was trying to stay positive and show strength in front of her friends but she couldn't lie to herself,she was devastated. She really felt that Josh was the one but now everything had crushed down.She wanted to make herself believed that as soon as she would head back to Germany everything was going to be just fine and that they were going to go to spend their days off in the vacation they had been talking about but deep inside her she knew that this wasn't going to happen.

She buried her face in her hands and she was quietly sobbing.She knew that there were people watching her but she couldn't hold it back,all the pressure she had put in herself no to cry in front of Dele had overcome her.Her thoughts were interrupted by someone tapping on her back.

"Soph are you okay?"

"Yeah,yeah i am perfectly fine Jess."

"Come on,i know you well enough to know  that you are not okay plus you were crying."

"Yeah,sorry it's just you know-"

"Your panic attacks retuned?"

"Yeah,but please don't tell anyone especially Dele."