Sip of Assistance

Chapter 36

Chapter 36

I had the cab driver take me around the city for an hour as I contemplated what I was going to do.  My first instinct was to leave, just like I had when I found Jon and Danielle together.  And then I remembered my promise not to disappear.  Did he plan on doing this to me the whole time?  Was that why he made me promise?

Then there was the look on his face when I told him he was just like the others; he looked hurt… offended, even surprised by the accusation.  Did that mean I was wrong?  She could have kissed him and he may not have wanted her to… Then again, that’s twice now…

My father used to say if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, don’t expect it to turn into a swan.  Of course, if he were alive he would also tell me to do what was right and that I would know it in my heart.

And how many times has my heart tried to convince me ducks were swans?

The drive was a back and forth of internal debate, but in the end I knew that I wanted to run away again.  One problem with that plan was that I always kept my word.

Another problem was James... 

I had loved Jonathon and he broke my heart so I ran away to lick my wounds and move on.  I had to separate myself from him; I didn’t want to see him because I was scared I would forgive him or be in love with him anyway. 

As for James, I didn’t know it until that drive, but I was in love with him and it went too deep for me to stay away- to hide.  After everything I learned from the last time, I felt in my heart that James was different and I had to stick around and see if I was right.  If I wasn’t then I would have to move on.  But I would never know if I ran away.

When I got home the house was dark causing me to worry.  I unlocked the front door and walked in through the pitch black entry way until I reached the living room.  I flicked the switch hoping to see James but the room was empty.  I checked his bedroom and the rest of the dark house to no avail.

I thought about heading to the guest house, but it didn’t feel right.  I wanted to talk to him as soon as he got home so we could clear the air and either fix things or end them.  I turned off the light and lay on the couch hoping it wouldn’t be long.

When I woke the first thing I noticed was the light streaming in through the slider.  It was morning and I hadn’t heard him come home.  I rushed to recheck all the rooms hoping he was there and maybe I’d missed him, but once again found no one.

To stop my mind from worrying about where he was or who he was with I grabbed my clutch from the coffee table and pulled out my cell phone.  There were ten missed calls over the course of the night after I left the party and four texts, all from James. 

Where are you?  Can we talk, please?

I know how it looked but I swear it wasn’t like that.  Please call me.

Holls, will you come home and talk to me about this?

You promised…

I was confused.  I’d been home waiting for him all night.  I glanced out the slider and then realized I never checked the guest house.  I ran as fast as I could and threw open the door, rushing through the empty kitchen and dining room to an equally empty living room. 

Disappointment flooded through me as I wondered why he would send those texts if he wasn’t even here.  I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as I finally allowed my mind to wander to thoughts of him with Sammie all night.

I trudged down the hall to my bedroom, wanting to curl into a ball and cry alone by myself where no one else would see and know how hurt I was.  I walked through my bedroom doorway and froze when I saw James sleeping in my bed.  There he was; his clothes from the party were wrinkled and his face was somber as he slept.