Feral: Love, Hate and Fine Lines....Negan and Pet

Wreckage and Rage

The first Great War had ended, not with a bang but with a whimper. It was Dwight that had ended up being the traitor in the long run, turning on Negan and allowing his empire to fall to the hands of Rick Grimes and his allies. Pet had watched as they literally ripped Negan away from her, a bullet piercing his back as he tried to carry her beaten body to safety. That day had left her a shell of a woman once again, her identity crumbling along with the walls of the Haven and the fortress that had once been the Sanctuary.
Simon had beaten her so badly that night that neither Rick, Dwight or Daryl had any clue to who she was even though they had known her to a certain degree. They couldn't see past her battered face and so she had been sent to Hilltop to recover from her injuries and it wasn't long until Rick could recognize her features as she healed. She was sure her execution was imminent. She was a Savior. Negan's initials had been seared into her skin, a choice she had made when she agreed to be kept by him and it was out there for everyone to see.
It was supposed to be their pact. She would be devoted to him and he in turn would protect her at all costs. Both of them had failed but only because she made it so and she doubled down on her betrayal by convincing Rick she had been held against her will to save her own skin. He believed her. Who would ever agree to be branded?
There were stipulations of course. Pet was banished from Alexandria permanently. After the day at the farmhouse, Rick had wanted to kill her for what she had done even though in the end it had saved them. But the trust was gone and she didn't blame him one bit. Hilltop would be her home under the watchful eye of its leader Maggie, who was none to pleased about it but she did it for Rick. The "N" Pet wore reminded Maggie Rhee of the man who had taken her husband's life. It was guilt by association and the price for Pet was loneliness.
The first six months were the hardest. She was basically shunned by the community, finding her niche in training the horses that were periodically brought to Hilltop. She also worked in the gardens and scavenged when she was called upon. The horses were her favorite though. They never judged her for having once been a Savior and she found peace in nurturing them but it didn't make up for the human interaction that was missing from her new life.
Maggie treated her like a citizen, giving her her own trailer to live in but she was cold as ice whenever they had to interact. Pet had taken to wearing a light scarf to hide Negan's claim on her in hopes it would lessen her leader's disdain for her. The one thing she did keep was the name Negan had bestowed on her while she was in his possession. It had become her identity and the name Pet was the only scrap of her former self and she held onto it desperately.
She had made the mistake of asking what had become of Negan and that question had earned her even more isolation. No one ever spoke his name since the end of the war.
"He's dead." One of the citizens informed her coldly. "And that's exactly where he should be."
Pet's heart shattered at that moment and it was all she could do to hold back the wretched wail that sprung to her throat. She held back tears as well, nodding in agreement at the harsh words. She couldn't show her anguish and quickly retreated back to her trailer and cried until the tears dried up and her eyes were swollen and red.
It was hard to believe she had only been captured for just under eleven months before the fall of his kingdom. Within those months , Negan had torn her down to a quivering mess and built her back up slowly. She had fought him, tried to kill him and still she let him ravage her in ways she had never known possible. The chemicals between them were undeniable and downright primal in their essence. The lessons and punishments he delivered had been grueling and exhilarating and even though she hated his taunting mind fuck games, he had only wanted to teach her the control elements that would keep her alive in the desolation of this new world.
In the end she had fallen hard for him and despite all the time he had spent molding her, her impulsivity had brought her world crashing to the ground. He had died because of it. There would never be another that could replace him and she would give anything to turn the clock back to the day he claimed her body and her heart. She should have listened and learned instead of giving into her rashness.
On the days where she wasn't busy, Pet would find herself back at the Haven. She always went alone, mostly because no one wanted to come with her. She would ride the training horses up to the bashed in gate and look inside its now empty walls. The people were gone, rounded up and sent to standing communities. Some of the buildings had burnt that horrible night when she lost it all. Until now, she had not ventured inside the abandoned compound, the memories still raw in her mind and heart but today she urged her horse through the entrance and took in what was left.
Her old headquarters was a pile of ash as was the small building that used to serve as the community kitchen. It felt like she was on the set of an old west ghost town except this was no movie set and the ghosts were very, very real. They haunted her dreams almost every night. The image of her beautiful mate being pulled from her arms and the crimson stain that saturated his white shirt played over and over. They had thrown his limp body in the back of a truck and hauled him away like trash, leaving her wishing for death.
Pet moved through the compound at a slow trot, making her way to the very back of makeshift town. She stopped at the area where she and Negan had fallen together, a lump in her throat and a feeling of incredible grief moved through her body. And then she saw her.
It was Lucille, the end of her smooth handle poking obscurely from beneath an overgrown shrub. Pet stared down at her. She had laid here for a year, her dark varnished wood now bleached from the Virginia sun. The barbs were rusted but still enveloped her in their armor, old blood stains blackening the spaces in between them.
She dismounted, tucking her copper colored hair behind her ear and picked up Negan's totem to his former wife.
"How he loved you." She muttered softly to her. "I wish I could bring you to him but I don't know where they buried him."
The thought of him in the ground brought more tears to her worn face. She swung the bat over her shoulder and headed towards the old post office. She wouldn't dare try to sneak her into Hilltop. Maggie was a hanging judge and just the sight of Lucille would have Pet swinging from the gallows by nightfall. Lucille would have to stay here. That way she could come back and visit the last piece of the man that she had loved. Lucille had brought Negan comfort and now she would be there for Pet. Opening up the hidden hatch in the post office floor, she tossed her down where she would be safe until she returned.