summertime sadness | ethan dolan

nothing he would say

chapter twenty three
——mackenzie's pov
july 4th, 2019

"ethan!"
the word exploded from my mouth before i fully registered that he was actually there. he held his right hand in his left. both were shaking.

"ow! son of a bitch!" his voice deepened.
he whirled away, flinging his hand out, cursing under his breath. then hammond came jogging up the steps.
"dude! did you really just punch the wall?"

for me. ethan dolan had just punched a wall for me. i felt this euphoric rush and then cooper stood up next to me, and suddenly faith was there also, wrinkling her nose at the house and cringing away from the rotted porch railing. and the rush crashed spectacularly.
what the hell were they all doing here?
i pulled up my bikini top and tried to smoothen my hair out.

"you're bleeding!" faith exclaimed.
blood ran in a trickle from ethan's knuckle and splattered the floorboards between his feet. ethan just stared at me. at my lips. which still tasted like cooper's chapstick. suddenly, and for no apparent reason, i felt like a guilty cheating slut. but ethan dolan was not my boyfriend. he was not. he was just the guy who'd punched a wall over me.

"you should really get some ice for that, man," cooper said.
"who the fuck are you?" ethan spat.
cooper tilted his head quizzically. like he had just been faced with some exotic and heretofore unidentified breed of asshole.
"i'm the guy who was invited here. who the fuck are you?"

ethan took a menacing step forward, so cooper did the same. hammond's hand instantly shot out, pressing against cooper's chest. this was going nowhere good, and it was going there fast. cooper was tough, but ethan worked out a whole lot more. he would pummel cooper in just a few seconds.

"back off, loser," hammond spat.
"these are them, aren't they?" cooper said with a laugh.

"them, who?" ethan questioned, his eyes darting to me.
i felt guilty. i suddenly just wanted to be in his arms, him holding me tightly and never letting me go. but that couldn't happen.

"the cresties." cooper did air quotes. he was literally cackling now.
"what the fuck you know about it?" hammond asked, shifting so his entire forearm was against cooper's chest now. cooper jostled back, then shoved himself forward. their feet scuffled against the floor. my heart throbbed behind my eyes.

"guys!" i shouted, putting my hands up. they all froze. "we're not going to do this."
"do what?" all three of them said in unison.
like they didn't know.

"kenzie, why don't you just come back with us?" faith said plaintively. "we could all hang out! maybe we could go to café bacci and—"
"just stop, all right?" i blurted. "i don't want to hang out with you. not any of you! take the damn hint already."

faith's face sort of crumpled and cooper laughed. but i couldn't stand there and try to make her feel better. i'd finally told her the actual truth. i took ethan's wrist and pulled him down the steps, trying my best to ignore the tingling i felt inside of me. it was just drizzling now, and the water cooled my adrenaline flushed face.

"what are you doing here?" i asked through my teeth, furrowing my eyebrows.
"i came down to...i don't know...to talk to you," he said, looking past me with venom in his eyes, i can only assume at cooper. "and then i find you..." he gritted his teeth and shook his head. "what the hell is up, mackenzie? are you, like, with that guy?"

"i don't know...maybe," i said.
his jaw dropped and he took a step back.
"are you kidding me?"
"me? what about you? i haven't heard two words from you since i left. and then you come down here...what? expecting me to, like, fall at your feet or something?" i demanded.
"what did you want me to do? you basically told me at madeline's that you never wanted to talk to me again. and then when i tried to, like, explain it to you...you told me you didn't give a shit about me," he said that last part quietly. "god! why the fuck am i even here? you obviously don't give a shit about me."

"you never tried to explain anything!" i shouted back. "you just wanted to act like none of it ever happened."

this look crossed his face.
like, yes, that's what i wanted. like, what would be so bad about that?
he didn't get it. he was never going to get it.

"i don't get you," he said.
"fine. then maybe you should just go."
"yeah. maybe i should."
neither one of us moved. he looked past me again and his eyes clouded over.

"i...i thought that..."

my heart welled pathetically inside my chest.
it was still waiting. waiting for him to say the right thing. the one thing that would make it all better. the one thing that would make me jump into his arms and kiss him like i've never kissed him before. but at that point, i had a feeling there was nothing he would say that would do that. then his mouth snapped shut.
"you should come with us," he said. "your mother's worried about you."

the exact wrong thing.

i snorted a laugh. "oh, really? is my dad worried too? are my parents your best friends now? why don't you get them both on conference call and maybe the three of you can figure out where i'm supposed to be for the rest of the summer at all times. when you've got a plan, gimme a call. i'll be right here."

then i turned my back on him, stomped up the steps, and grabbed cooper's hand. veronica stood in the doorway and i nearly leveled her as i barreled by. i slammed the door so hard, a shower of paint shards fluttered to the floor of the living room.

"wow," veronica said.

i was shaking from head to toe as i breathed in. "that's one word for it."

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i love you all<3
[1043 words]
-m
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