Depressed love

Chapter 12:

I sat down next to Brad and he sent me a worried smiled I shook it of and wanted to get straight to the point.

"Why did you save me?" I asked.

"I could hear screaming coming from next door and I thought someone is getting hurt and as soon as I seen you like that on the floor I freaked out and starting attacking the prick, nobody deserves to get treated like that" He smiled.

"Thank you, do any of you know where Ollie went?" I totally forgot about where Ollie even was.

Brad and Luke looked at each other and Brad said "He kinda ran away"

"Oh" was all I could say. Then it fell into awkward silence.

"Well anyway I better be going" Luke said as he got up.

"Bye mate" Brad said and they did some kind of bro hug.

He turned to me and I hugged him tightly and whispered "Thank you" I let go of him and he shot me a smile showing his teeth.

With that the guy who saved me and I was probably never going to see again walked out of subway.

*2 Hours later*

We all decided to stay at the apartment which made me feel very uncomfortable but I had to get over it at some point but I thought maybe we could of stayed at a hotel or something but I didn't bother to say to anyone I mean I have put them through hell ever since they have met me.

As we walked in I had flashbacks from 4 hours ago when I was getting brutally abused I hate my life and I didn't want to be here anymore.

I ran into the bathroom and sobbed. I told the guys I was having a shower which I was but it resulted into more than just water trickling down my body.

I opened the cabinet and grabbed my best friend the razor.

I turned the shower on so everybody thought I was in the shower and started doing the damage to my skin.

"you worthless piece of shit"

"you deserve to get abused you should go die"

"fat whore"

"go on cut your skin some more and paint a pretty picture"

My head was telling me.

I quickly jumped in the shower and cleaned myself up it stung like a bitch.

I walked out the bathroom and into Brads room I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I wore his clothes for the night. I slipped on some grey tracksuit bottoms and a white long sleeved tee so nobody could see the damage I had done to my wrists.

I went into the living room to see all the boys watching a movie I sat between Brad and Tristan, Tristan handed me some popcorn and said he was going to the toilet.

It was paranormal activity. I hate horrors.

A minute or to later Tristan came back and sat down.

My skin started to itch and all I wanted to do was cut. I kept itching thinking that it would go away and it didn't. I tried to take my mind of it by watching the film it didn't work. Daym. I looked down at my arm and it was starting to bleed I had scratched it so much.

Shit.

"Guys I'm just going to go get a drink" I smiled at them no body was listening to me they were to into the film.

I ran into the toilet and started to put pressure on my wrists. It did nothing I then opened the cabinet to get my best friend out when I couldn't find it.

I started to panic I have searched the whole cabinet I have took everything out I put it in there before and now it has gone.

Somebody has took it.

I started to feel even more alone now I have lost the only thing that helped me. The one thing that made me feel happy. Had been taken away from me.

I walked out the bathroom and acted like I was not alone inside.

Nobody looked at me and it made me feel worse. I felt like breaking down and crying but I am not weak.

I sat back down in between Brad and Tristan.

"You alright, you look a bit pale?" Brad asked.

"Yeah im just tired" I always seem to say that.

He just nodded but he still knew something was up with me, I mean of course something is up with me my best friend has gone missing my razor the only thing that helps me and doesn’t judge me.

If Brad took it he would of told me by now because Brad obviously doesn’t like me hurting myself because of the day when we didn’t even say a word to each other because he found me cutting.

I just want to know who stealed my god damn razor.

"Tamara?" I looked up and seen everybody looking at me I must of been in deep thought.

“Ever since you came out the bathroom you have been acting strange are you sure everything is okay?” James asked.

“Everything’s fine I just feel a little bit ill and tired I think its time for me to go bed” I lied and I am no where near tired.

They all looked at me and then realized that the time was 01:00am. It was quite late we had been up all night watching films. I didn’t even watch the films because I couldn’t think straight I was just thinking about my razor.

“I’m of to bed now boys goodnight” I said to them all we all exchanged goodnights and then I wandered upstairs to the spare bedroom.

I did the usual routine walk into the bathroom brush my teeth, wash my face and change into my pjs.

When I walked back into the room Tristan was sat on my bed.

“Erm hello?” I questioned.

“Tamara I know you have been cutting again and I just want you to stop” He said.

“Tristan you’re the one that stole my razor aren't you?” I asked.

“Yes because you don’t need that piece of metal to make you feel like shit” He replied.

“It isn’t the metal that makes me feel like shit, the metal helps me it releases all of the pain that I have trapped inside me” My voice trembling.

“Tamara your lucky that I found it and not anyone else” Tristan stated.

“I know thank you, where did you put it the razor?” I wanted my razor back.

“Tamara it is better of gone” What does he mean? Has he took the one thing that helped me and threw it away. Everything always leaves in the end.

“Tristan why that piece of metal was the only thing that has saved me and helped me through everything” I cried throwing punches at him I didn’t mean to I just had to do something a big piece of me has just been ripped out. It felt like I had just lost a member of my family.

“Shh Tamara please don’t be like this we all know it is for the better” Tristan said softly trying to calm me down whilst rubbing circles on my back.

I just cried in his arms there was no more fighting I could do I was weak and tried.

Then my eyes closed.