Widow in White

Chapter Ten: Something So Trivial

It was an awkward goodbye the next morning. Richard had half-reconsidered his decision in the middle of the night: it was so unexpected for Laura to get with child that he might have forgiven Neil's reaction alone — even his own had been outright disbelief, after all. But in the end, it was Neil's behaviour about Percival that made him certain. There was something very underhand and duplicitous about that. If Percival had been a real threat to Laura, Richard wondered, would Neil have entered the room in time to protect her?

However it was hard to face Neil at breakfast the next day. Neil barely spoke a word, and Richard had the guilty impression that he'd bullied Neil into silence. Part of him wanted to say it was alright, Neil could stay, he forgave him. Quite a different part of him wanted to slap the forlorn look off Neil's face and tell him it was his fault for being such a stubborn, judgemental fool to begin with. After breakfast, they lingered awkwardly in the hall while the grooms carried Neil's trunks into the carriage.

"Um," Neil said, looking up the stairwell. "Laura isn't up yet?"

"She's not well this morning."

"I ought to say goodbye to her — is she well enough for that, if I come up?"

Richard hesitated and then shrugged. "Probably."

Richard left Neil waiting outside the door while he went into Laura's bedroom. She was lying in bed with one hand over her stomach and the other over her eyes. When he told her what Neil wanted, she slowly sat up and he helped rearrange the pillows so she could lean back on them. Richard stroked her hair anxiously. Seeing her so ill made him feel guilty, like he'd damaged her. And terrified, and powerless.

"It wasn't this bad before," he said. "I would have noticed."

She shook her head. "I think this is the worst of it now. I ought to be much better in a week or two."

"Are you sure you're well enough to see Neil?"

"I can say goodbye to him at least."

He examined her, saw more irritation than weariness in her pale face, and realized she was annoyed to be so coddled, so he called for Neil, who came in rather hesitantly.

"It doesn't feel right to disturb you," Neil said, hovering by the bed. "But I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye."

Laura gave a faint nod and held her hand out to him. Rather than kiss it or shake it, he took it between both of his, patted it once, and let it go.

"You got what you needed with the doctors then?" Laura asked in a frail voice.

Neil nodded. "They need to look at Podge before we make any further decisions."

"Right." Laura looked worried. "I hope it goes well."

"Thank you," Neil said. "And, um, I hope it goes well for you too. I mean, with your baby."

The ghost of a smile appeared on Laura's face, but she seemed too tired to speak. Richard could see that her hands were trembling. He caught Neil's eye, and Neil nodded his understanding.

"I just wanted to say goodbye," Neil said, "and thank you for your hospitality."

"It was a..." Laura faltered. "I'm glad you came."

Neil gave a rueful smile. "Be well," he said, and turned to leave.

At the door, he turned back suddenly, his cheeks pink. "I forgot to say... my congratulations to you both."

Richard noticed that Laura gave a proper smile then, but she only nodded her thanks. Then Neil was gone and his footsteps sounded on the stairs. Richard squeezed Laura's shoulder.