Widow in White

Chapter Fourteen: Foundation

Laura told herself that she would choose the right moment to tell Richard. But there didn't seem to be a right moment. He was so happy these days that she didn't want to spoil it by bringing the matter up. Several times, she started to tell him, only to cowardly back out after a few words. The secret weighed on her; every morning, she woke up decided to tell him today, and every night, she fell asleep having not done so.

They left London, stayed at Albroke two weeks, and were on their way to Neil's house in Cumbria. The journey was harder than Laura had anticipated. She was no longer sick now, but she was easily tired and her back ached from the heat and discomfort of the carriage. By the last night of their journey, she had barely enough energy to eat a light supper with Richard before going to their room to rest. She had a novel that she was supposed to be reading but she hadn't even the energy to concentrate on it. Instead, she left it abandoned on the bed and went to sit by the window, trying to cool herself in the faint breeze. Despite wanting Richard to make up with Neil, she was nervous about meeting him again tomorrow. For all it would be nice to be friends with her husband's brother, for all it seemed that Neil himself was eager to bury the hatchet, she could not quite conquer the doubt that they would never truly like each other.

The sun set, and stars began to dot the sky. Laura sat there in the semi-dark until the door opened and a soft glow filled the room: Richard was standing in the doorway, holding a candle. He stopped there, looking at her with a faint smile on his face.

"What is it?" she asked.

"You. Just you." He left the candle on the mantel and came over and kissed her. "You make me so happy."

Her heart beat faster at his touch. He kissed her again, more deeply, his arms winding around her. At first she melted into his touch, then his words sparked within her the memory of Mr Percival saying he would make her happy. Suddenly all she could think of was Percival's expression when she'd shoved him away. Wounded, like she'd hit a dog or a child.

"What's wrong?" Richard asked, drawing back.

She had to tell him.

"Laura?" he touched her cheek. "Something's up, isn't it?"

She gave him a weak smile. "There's something I want to talk about."

"And I've been waiting all day for you — no I'll wait a little longer, don't hurry yourself." He drew up a chair and sat down. "Here, now I won't be tempted. What is it?"

"It's about something that happened when I was married to Maidstone — something I did."

An emotion flitted across Richard's face for a moment, but he controlled it.

Laura sat down on the window sill. "I told you I'd planned to... betray him, the way he'd always said I'd done."

"Yes," Richard said, after a pause. "I remember."

"Well. I went through with it." She swallowed. "I lied to you about that. I really did it. It was the morning of the day he died. So he never found out. But I did it."

Richard was looking at her through narrowed eyes. She couldn't read his expression. Did he hate her for it? She almost hated herself for it.

"Why are you telling me now?" he asked.

"Because I don't want to keep secrets from you. And that's a big... secret." She covered her face with her hands and spoke through them. "Elizabeth keeps secrets from Farthingdale. I don't want to be like her. She said she loved him once — and I always want to love you."

"Always," Richard said, getting up and pulling her hands from her eyes. "Look at me."

She met his eyes and was relieved to see there was no condemnation in them, only a dull sadness.