Holding Hands [Jeditavius]

Go talk to him

Jed POV

Larry's face was serious. He carried Jed over to the bench.

"So what's up with you and Oct, huh? He's really worked up, won't talk to anyone. Most I got out of him was that he thought he'd upset you."

"Nothin's up with me, Octavius could never upset ol' Jedediah." Jed tried to sound cheerful but he couldn't meet Larry's eyes.

"Then will you go talk to him?"

Jed was silent, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. Larry sighed.

"What's really going on?"

"I can't tell nobody. I'm... I'm an abomination."

"Look, Jed." Larry lent down to see Jed's tearful face under his hat. "I've know you for years now and yeah, you're annoying but you're no abomination, okay? Oct know that too, he knows you better than me, so if there's anyone you can tell, it's him. He needs you right now."

Jed nodded and wiped his tears away. "Okay, I'll talk to him."

Larry took him to the night guards office where Oct was sat on the desk. Jed was set down and Larry left. Oct didn't turn around as he approached, just sat looking vulnerable with his helmet off and his head down.

Jed just sat beside hie friend, unsure of what to say and terrified of what could happen. The silence was thick between them, expectant in a way. Jed was regretting coming. What if he thought he was gross? What if-

"So..." Oct broke the silence, still not looking at Jed. "What did I do wrong?"

"Nothin', I just..." Jed didn't know what to say, didn't want to say anything.

"Then why did you run from me?" Oct's voices was unsteady. He had turned to look at him, his expression filling Jed with fresh guilt.

"It's just... I..."Jed broke down, tears streaming. Octavius trued to put an arm round him but Jed backed away, flinching away from his touch.

''You can't!" He was almost shouting now. "I'm wrong!"

Hugging his knees to his chest, he continued. "God, Oct, it's just... just when you touch me... the way you make me feel... God, it's wrong, I'm wrong, I- I can't think of you like that!" He sobbed into his arms. "Do you hate me, Oct? Do you- do you think I'm broken?" Oct put a hand on arm but Jed didn't look at him. He was petrified. What if he looked up and he saw disgust in the face of the man he... he...

The man I love.

"No," breathed Oct. Jed looked up. Oct was... smiling. "I could never hate you." His voice became firm. "And you are not broken." He leaned closer, placing his other hand on Jed's cheek.

Jed leaned back on his arms. "But- but this is wrong! It's a sin!"

"Why should it be? What is so wrong about loving another man?" He was moving closer.

Jed extended his legs, pushing himself further back. "It's just- I can't- we-" he spluttered.

Oct crawled over to the cowboy, now between Jed's legs. Shit that's hot, though Jed.

"Jed," he whispered, so close that their lips brushed. Jed shivered. "Does this feel wrong to you?" And he kissed him.

A/N

This is as much as I planned out ( I say planned but it's just wrote in my notebook in the middle of the night ) but I promise to write more soon.

- M