gone ✧*｡ luke a.u.

11: may 19th 2011

ELLIE

MONDAY, MAY 19TH, 2011

Ellie didn't go to school on Friday, May 16th, and as far as she knew, no one noticed.

Morgan had gotten home from Jack's early that morning, at around 7:00am, with her hair a dark tangle around her head and her makeup smudged beyond repair. She looked like shit, and the moment she walked through the front door she made a beeline for the bathroom, where she proceeded to throw up all the contents of her stomach. The sounds of her retching filled the house, unnatural and loud; Ellie found herself wishing that her headphones hadn't broken.

Dan and Ro left the house early that morning. Unlike Ellie, they enjoyed walking to school; Dan liked the fresh morning air and the sight of the world waking up, and, like every kid under the age of eleven, Ro just liked being up early. That left only Ellie and Morgan in the house.

It was no use hiding in her room upstairs; eventually, Morgan came to Ellie's door, half-dead and demanding attention.

"Ellie." Morgan wiped the back of her hand over her mouth. She smelt like puke and sweat. "Where's my car? It's not in the driveway."

Ellie swallowed. She had lain awake for more than an hour the night before once Luke had gone, dreading this conversation, dreading the inevitable fight that would come after, dreading seeing Luke again, or coming to school and finding out that the whole school knew about her dysfunctional home life. Now the thoughts that had plagued her were coming true, like she knew they would. Like they always did.

"It broke down on the freeway last night," Ellie said, trying to keep her voice calm. "A repair company came to pick it up."

"Excuse me?" Morgan stared at her through bloodshot, half-lidded eyes. "You -- did you lose my car or some shit? This better not be some sort of joke, Ellie."

"They had to tow it away," Ellie continued. She didn't meet Morgan's eyes. "The whole thing sort of just . . . broke. The company said they'd call for us to come pick it up."

"What the fuck, Ellie?" Morgan's voice was rising into a shout now. "You didn't even fucking call me?"

"I couldn't --"

"You steal my car and then fucking break it? Is that how this works? You getting back at me?"

"I didn't fucking steal it," Ellie shouted back, exploding. "You gave me the keys! It's not my fault you've been refusing to let Dad take it to the repair shop for the past two years!"

That was the last straw. "Oh, don't you join his side too," Morgan snarled, shaking her head. "It's always, 'Morgan, do this! Morgan, do that!' I don't want to do your fucking shit, both of you, you and him. You broke my car. How am I supposed to go out tonight? I'm meeting the girls!"

Ellie withheld a groan. The 'girls' were a group of women similar in age and stature to Morgan, all of whom preferred spending their nights drunk or high or gambling at a casino than looking after their children. 

"I don't know, Mum," she spat. "Can you just go? I need to get ready for school."

"Oh, no, you don't. Let me ask you this: What gives you the right?" she yelled. "To go and fucking break all my things, take control of my fucking children --"

"Oh, like you ever would," Ellie snapped back. She could take it when Morgan insulted her, but not her brothers. "You can't even clean your makeup off in the morning. Who else is supposed to look after them?" Morgan was glaring daggers, but Ellie kept going. "And what was I supposed to do with your car? It broke down, we were stranded. If you'd just listened to Dad --"

"Oh, fuck you!" Morgan spun around and kicked the wall, hard. "Fuck this shit. I knew I should've packed you off to boarding school when you turned thirteen, but no, I have to keep everything fucking Dave's way. It's always Dave, isn't it? Top surgeon at all his fucking conferences . . ." Morgan kicked the wall again, then spun back around to face Ellie, taking a few steps toward her daughter.

"You are a fucking mistake," she snarled. "I should have kicked you out of this house a long fucking time ago." Then she turned around and stormed from the room.

Ellie swallowed, left alone. Her chest felt numb and tears were burning in her eyes, but she didn't want to cry. She hated crying, she hated it. She would not cry.

Shower. She needed a shower. She forced herself out of the room and into the bathroom, blocking her ears to the sounds of Morgan crying to Jack on the phone about how shit her life was, and turned the water on hot.

When she got in, the heat of it stung at her naked skin like a thousand tiny pinpricks, but she didn't care. For once she let herself cry, until she couldn't tell her tears from the water.

She just fell to her knees and sobbed.

~:~

Ellie knew Morgan didn't give two shits about what she did after that, so she dressed in a hoodie too big for her and leggings and went down to the park, drawing until her hand went numb and her vision hazy. She didn't come home until it was dark, and by then Morgan was gone, leaving only a note.

Gone to Sue's house. Don't know when I'll b back. Pls cook

Now it was Monday, and Ellie realised for the first time just how much she'd been dreading school.

She'd been avoiding Maxie's calls and texts, which had been coming in non-stop since she realised that Ellie had called her late on Thursday night, and she hadn't spoken to Luke, either. He'd texted her once -- how did things with your mum turn out? -- but she hadn't replied, and he hadn't texted her since. But still she dreaded seeing him. They weren't even friends, but somehow he knew more about her than every other person at their school combined, and that knowledge bothered her.

Ellie's dad had gotten back on Saturday night, which wasn't necessarily good, but came as a relief. She and her dad weren't close, but things were always calmer when he was around; Morgan wasn't as crazy, for starters.

Since he had arrived it had been . . . quiet around the Harrington house. Ellie didn't trust it. It was only a matter of time until something went wrong in her life again.

And now it was Monday.

She was early for the bus today, even beating redheaded, porn-watching Eugene, a feat that she considered commendable. She had woken up just after five that morning, and couldn't get back to sleep no matter how hard she tried. She showered too long again, stole some Nutella from the pantry and ate it with a spoon, got dressed slowly in the warmth of her bedroom. The world was only just beginning to wake up by the time she left, content with the knowledge that David was home, so Dan and Ro would be okay on their own.

Hadley sat next to her on the bus again, this time prattling on about how Anna and Luke were apparently fighting, which made Ellie's chest feel like a fist was squeezing on it. Anna and Luke. God. Ellie had forgotten about Anna.

She forced herself to stop listening and plug her new headphones in. She'd bought new ones on the weekend, and had made a new playlist on Soundcloud the night before to celebrate, so she turned it up on full and pretended the world didn't exist.

As ever, she could only pretend for so long.

~:~

you should read asylum too xx heh