Learn To Be Real | KTH

Chapter 11

"Please talk to me, hyung. I'm really worried about you." Jungkook says softly as he looks down at me from my side. I sigh, rolling my eyes.

"What good would it do, Jungkook? You're too easily persuaded by the other hyungs anyways. Besides, I was planning on staying up and working for another hour before going to bed, and that'll only leave me with two and a half hours of sleep. I don't need you decreasing that amount too." I mutter in frustration.

"Unlike the others though, I actually care, Tae. I'm actually worried about you and I can see your pain that they're choosing to ignore. And if I know what's going on then I can try to talk to them and get them to stop being so hard on you. But I can't do anything if I don't even know what's going on in the first place." Jungkook argues in a gentle tone.

"You wanna know what's wrong, Kookie? Everything. Everything is fucking wrong. When the media started picking on Jimin and being super hard on him, everyone fucking cared. Everyone paid attention and gave a damn because it's fucking Jimin. They supported him and didn't let him put himself down. They fucking helped him and made sure he was taking care of himself, that he was gonna be okay. They stood up for him. Even when you overworked yourself and nearly passed out. Everyone gave a damn. Everyone supported you and took care of you and we all helped you through it.

"Now that the media has decided to turn its attention onto me, everybody's suddenly turned a blind fucking eye to it. To me. I work my ass off just as hard as the rest of you, and I get told that I'm weak. That I'm not trying, that I don't care, that my efforts are pathetic. I get put down. Everyone else, when any one of you guys are hurting or down, all of us are always there for them. But when it fucking comes to me, suddenly I'm the one doing everything wrong. I can't do right and even if I do, nobody bothers to fucking notice it. I've got Manager Nim on my fucking back about how shitty I'm doing, how fat I'm getting, how weak I am, how little effort I'm allegedly putting in. I've got the six of you, who I've always been able to rely on to pick me up just like we do with the others, who are all shoving me to floor right alongside Manager Nim. Saying how shitty a job I'm doing. How weak I am. How much I don't care and that I'm not fucking trying. That I'm the one singling myself out, when in reality, none of you ever give a damn anymore! Nobody pays any fucking attention to me unless it's to scold me and put me down anymore!

"You six are supposed to be my best fucking friends, and instead all six of you have been trampling all over me, Jungkook. I'm forgotten about until I make a goddamn mistake of any sort and then immediately thrown to the wolves for it. Even if I try to work around things so that I'm not late, so that I'm not messing up, I'm fucking left behind on purpose just so that everyone's got a reason to bitch at me. And I'm goddamn fucking tired of it. I'm tired of not being good enough for a single goddamn person. Of being fucking left behind and forgotten about. Of being bitched at over every single little minute detail.

"You wanna know what's going on and what's fucking wrong, Jungkook? I'm tired of fucking feeling like a goddamn outcast of the band, and like all of you are just trying to get rid of me. If you want me fucking gone, then just get it the hell over with." I snap coldly before rolling over onto my side to face away from him. I flinch as he gently and hesitantly reaches out to rest a hand on my shoulder before jerking away from him, feeling as though he's betrayed me just as much as anyone else has right now. The only person who hasn't betrayed me yet is Miyeon, and I honestly don't know that I'd be able to handle it if she betrayed me. I really would be all alone at that point, and if it came to that, then I'd probably just get the fuck out of this world and out of everyone's way.

"I'll talk to them, Tae. I wanna try and help you. I'll talk to the hyungs and see if there's something that can be done to get all of us back on track. I promise, Tae." Jungkook murmurs softly before I feel the bed spring back up as he climbs off of it.

I just sigh, closing my eyes and ignoring the fact that I'm not gonna end up getting any work done towards my personal album.