Learn To Be Real | KTH

Chapter 33

Laying in bed, I keep my eyes shut as I hear the door to my room open. Just by listening to how the door is shut and the stride of the steps taken, I know easily that it's Jungkook that's entered. I still don't care though, not wanting to talk to anyone at all as I stay curled up in my ball.

"Tae, I know you're awake." Jungkook says softly as he takes a seat on the edge of my bed. I just stay silent though, opening my eyes as I look down at the dark gray sheets below me.

"Miyeon's here." He informs me after a moment of silence. I just purse my lips, still unsure of whether I want to go see her right now or not.

"Do you want me to tell her to leave? Or do you wanna see her?" Jungkook questions gently, placing a hand on my shoulder. Biting my lip, I simply shrug.

"I don't know." I mumble quietly, letting my eyes fall shut once more. He sighs, adjusting where he's sat so that he's closer before beginning to rub my back gently.

"Do you think you're up for visitors or would you rather be left alone?" He asks instead. I just shake my head though, squeezing my eyes shut tightly in attempt to fight off the coming tears.

"I'd rather be left alone to die right now so that everything would be less painful, Kookie. It's not like there's any chance of that happening. Yoongi wouldn't let me be alone anyways." I mutter out with a small pout.

"I really want to help you, Tae. I just wish I knew what to do to make things better for you." Jungkook murmurs softly. I whimper quietly, curling myself up into a bit of a tighter ball, still trying desperately not to cry.

"It just hurts. I'm scared to see her again, Kookie. I know she was telling the truth the other day when Yoongi and I saw her, but... I'm scared to get hurt again. I'm so fucking tired of hurting and being in pain and being fucking afraid to trust anyone anymore. I... I really thought she was the one, Jungkook. And now, I just... I don't know. I'm just scared." I whimper quietly, biting my lip in attempt to keep it from trembling. The younger boy just sighs though, ruffling my hair gently.

"How about I go get her, hmm? I'll go get her and you can talk things out with her. You seemed really comfortable with her and you were extremely happy with her, Tae. I don't want to see you lose that just because you're scared after everything you've been put through. Just give her a chance and talk things out. I think the two of you can manage to come to some sort of a conclusion, yeah?" Jungkook suggests gently.

Puffing out a breath of air, I just nod in response, not really knowing what else to do or say. As he stands up and heads out of the room, I roll over onto my back and stare up at the ceiling, still feeling as lost and alone as ever.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I know I still have feelings for her, hell, she made me the happiest I'd been in years, even if I still wasn't in the best of moods all the time. She treated me extremely well the entire time we were together and actually really helped me through everything that I'd been struggling with. Life was quite a bit more bearable with her and I actually had something to look forward to.

I just don't know that I can bear having her around me. After the amount of pain I went through with the boys, and then to walk out on her making out with some random guy... I mean, I know she said that I'd actually done her a favor and everything, but that image is completely engraved into my head now. But, it's also not fair to her to hold something like that against her, when it's that type of situation. It's not fair to her, and it's not like it'd be impossible to move on from.

Hearing footsteps and muffled whispers from the other side of my door, my entire body tenses up despite the fact that I don't move my body from its position of facing up towards re ceiling. I feel like I can hardly move, nearly holding my breath as I just wait for the door to open.

Though, it feels like an absolute eternity as I wait, hearing the muffled whispers continuing on for at least a minute. When it finally ceases, footsteps can be heard walking away from the room door before the handle finally twists. Though, I'm caught off guard when she finally walks in, not expecting her to be in the state that she is.