I'm A Walking Disaster (jalex)

A Few Careless Words

Chapter Eight

Title from Manage Me, by Alex Gaskarth (poem)

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I anxiously waited in the line outside the room where vitals were taken, I was the next in line. I looked back at the long line of people and made eye contact with Jack who was last in line, I scanned the line and found Vic with a look of pure boredom. Vitals took about five minutes if even so I was getting more anxious by the second, I felt like I would throw up. The door opened and Craig stepped out, a smile on his face, he waved sweetly at the nurse and almost skipped off to the day room, the nurse then motioned for me to join Dr.Mullins in the room and I held my breath as I entered. Dr.Mullins will be the one to find the bruises that I put on my body. I looked at him with an almost apologetic expression even before I had to take off my clothes, he would be ashamed.

"Okay, Alex, you can go ahead and take off your clothes..underwear on" he added at the end, I nodded and hesitantly pulled off my shirt, he turned around to a clipboard and jotted down a few things. I took off my pants as he was still turned around "you can go ahead and step on that scale" he said as he motioned for the scale in the corner of the room, not even looking down past my eyes. I walked over and stepped on the scale, merely uncomfortable at the fact I was half naked in front of my psychiatrist. I waited for a few seconds before there was a beep, I looked down to read the numbers "142, that's great Alex, you're the perfect weight" I was actually shocked as I did weigh more when I was fifteen

"can I do it again?" I asked, he was writing something down but he glanced up

"why?" He asked curiously.

I shrugged "I might've stood on it wrong, I weighed more when I was fifteen, I've grown since then" I was kind of embarrassed that the last time I was weighed was when I was fifteen but I let the thought pass.

Dr.Mullins shrugged "if you want" I nodded and stepped off, let it clear, then stepped back on the scale.

Seconds later it beeped again and read the same number "it doesn't make sense" I mumbled, I didn't do any extreme work outs, if anything I've gotten lazier since then.

"Depression takes away your appetite a lot, that might be some of it" he mumbled as he finished writing, I nodded and stepped off.

The first thing he did was scan my body, his expression changed when it get below my shoulders, he saw the scars littering my chest and stomach, but his face dropped when his eyes lowered to below my waist. Not only were there more scars than stars in the sky, there were fist size purple bruises on my thigh, I didn't realize how hard I was hitting myself. I bit my lip and prepared for his ashamed look, he continued to look and I knew I didn't have an excuse, he wrote something down on his clipboard and stepped back "get dressed" he mumbled before leaving the room. He didn't leave the room for anyone else, why was he leaving for me?

I stepped into my jeans and pulled them up, buttoning them and slipping on my shirt before running my fingers through my hair and exiting the room. I saw Dr.Mullins talking to a nurse near the middle of the line, everyone seemed to be paying attention to their conversation until I walked out, there were a few mixed expressions but when I made eye contact with Vic, I knew that everyone could hear the conversation between him and the nurse, and the conversation was mostly about what he just saw. I felt embarrassment and anger rush through me, I made eye contact with Andrew but his face was blank, he seemed just as scared as I was. I took a deep breath walked past the line and back Into my room.

I'm not going back in the Day Room again today so Jack will have to deal with me, I might even scare him Into the Day Room.

I sat on my bed, my eyes out the window, I didn't realize how long I was sitting there until Jack shuffled into the room, he was the last in line, he coughed to get my attention "phones for you..its uh, like right down the hall beside the Day Room" he spoke quickly, I didn't give him an answer as my stomach dropped. I got up and quickly walked out the door, the hall was empty except for the few nurses, I walked towards the day room and as Jack told me I found the phone close to the door, I've never noticed it before.