[✔️] mute , yugbam

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: * twelve *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

dear diary,

i feel like the dying flowers on my window sill. as dark as it sounds, it's the truth. i feel like i need to know bambam more and the only way i can do that is by talking to him or getting him to communicate with me somehow. i don't know why but this sudden curiosity hit me out of nowhere and i just want to hear bambam's voice. 

if i were to hear his voice, i don't know what i would do. cry? scream? jump in joy? i won't know until he does speak. that is if he does speak. hopefully one day. 

it feels like waiting for a baby to say their first words. you don't know what it will be or when it will be. but you wait for it. and when you finally hear it, you feel a wave of emotions. happiness, because the baby said their first word. excitement, because you can't wait to hear what other things the baby will say. but sometimes you may feel a rush of sadness and disappointment, because the baby didn't say what you wanted to hear. 

i don't know what the first words i'm going to hear bambam says are going to be but one thing that i do know is that i want them to be something positive. i want them to be along the lines of "i love you" or something like that. something that might express his love. but i don't know what's going to happen. whatever happens, happens. 

i can't force him into talking. that's one thing i know for sure. trying to get him to talk or forcefully getting him to talk can prevent him from talking to me at all and that's one thing that i do not want. i just hope for the day that he speaks to come faster. 

also this isn't relevant now but just wanted to write down just in case. i noticed that there were a lot of tissues in bambam's room. they're only there whenever he sleeps alone. the bin is almost always overflowing whenever i go into his room. i don't know why he uses so much tissue but i felt like it was something that is worth noting. 

i don't know what else to write. today wasn't very productive anyway and nothing interesting happened so i'm going to leave this diary entry here. hopefully one day bambam opens up to me. hopefully that day is soon.

yugyeom, 10/01/19, 18:23

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this was just a short chapter but it's not something to be disregarded. pay attention to certain parts. 

this chapter isn't edited so if there is a mistake anywhere, please point it out.

written: 01/02/19 at 21:14