Putting my best foot forward, I allowed myself to get hurt. I believed that I was skilled. I believed the words of my friends, I really did. I believed I could actually use my writing to tell stories that people would enjoy. But in that moment, I realized, I would never amount to anything that I already was. I couldn't see a clear future for myself. Well, any good future. I didn't see a point to being here right now. Everything felt...worthless. Even though, I promised myself no tears would be shed they were. I couldn't stop them. The wall I had built to protect myself from what I believed was previously good was gone. I allowed myself to be put out there for judgement, to receive truth. I realize now, that I wasn't as skilled in their eyes. That perhaps everything I imagined was a full lie. A part of me, hoped, that perhaps I could become something great. Like the vision my father sought for me many times in the past. But, I came to the fact I was wrong. I didn't have any potential to ever amount to anything more then I already was. Which wasn't a great person, sister, friend, daughter or girlfriend. A terrible person as a matter of fact. I couldn't see my life going past where it was anymore. I didn't feel hope for my mind to improve. It felt as though, perhaps I'd always live with these bad thoughts. Which now became clearer than before. To see how my own mind has changed against me this year, has slowly corrupted me. Some days being greater than others mentally. But ultimately, part of those thought were correct. I wasn't great, wonderful, or talented like my friends. I wasn't any special or worthy of glancing at. I am, useless, no good, heavily flawed and countless other things. But not a good person. That's why I know.
