Grandad

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"Told you at breakfast time I was going out!"

"Uh, what, Cassie?" her Grandad spluttered. "No, I don't rememb..."

"Yeah, like no change there," she muttered, though not loud enough for him to hear. "Oh, Grandad, it's all you ever do now – forget things, that is. I keep telling you. Write it down. Write everything down."

"Oh, please don't go on, love."

"Sorry, but..."

"No, it's my fault," he sighed. "I know I'm not getting any better. I wish I was. Oh, I wish I could wake up."

"You are awake," she said, hugging him and feeling guilty. He couldn't help it. That was the trouble – no one could help him, not even her. But no one was helping her either. She held him closely – her once great big Grandad, only now he was mostly skin and bone.

"Right," she said, releasing him from her arms. "I'm going out now. Okay?"

He looked at her blankly. "Going out? But didn't you go out last night?"

Cassie's eyes shot ceiling-wards in exasperation.

"Ah, like you remember that all right, don't you?" she shouted.

"Please don't shout, Cass," he whimpered, hanging his head in that way that always made her feel bad.

"Yeah, I did go out," she said eventually, her voice shaking more than a little. "I went up to Aldi to get some things, cos you... well, let's face it, you can't do the shopping any more. Not if we want to eat properly. Even with a list you forget things. Anyway, shopping don't count as going out. It's Saturday and I'm going down the city to meet friends. I need a break. Is that okay?"

"Friends?"

"Yes, friends from school."

"Oh, I suppose so. You will be back soon, won't you?"

Cassie sighed again. "Sometime this afternoon. Before tea, okay?"

"Where's your Mum, Cass?" he suddenly said. "Did she go out as well?"

"Oh, for goodness sake, Grandad. Mum is... Mum is never coming back. Surely, you must remember that..."

He looked at her for a long moment, his brows creasing and uncreasing as he struggled to locate the memories. Then his shoulders slumped. He mumbled something that might have been an apology before wandering towards the kitchen.

How could he forget? His own daughter, seven years ago. She heard him in the kitchen probably attempting to make another cup of tea. At least he could still just about manage to do that for himself.

Cassie's phone pinged and her left hand flipped the case open. She read the text. It was from Georgia – she was bringing Mark. Well, she would be, wouldn't she? Like those two weren't already joined at the hip.

From the kitchen she could hear her grandfather rattling a spoon around the sugar bowl.

"One only," she said. "You're supposed to be cutting down. You're diabetic, remember?"

The spoon rattled at least twice more followed by the boiled kettle switching off.

"I give up," Cassie whispered as she opened the front door. "Bye," she called.

"Oh, you going out?" said her Grandad. "Is your Mum going with you?"

"Gah!" Cassie spat, slamming the door behind her. How could he be so... so damned...!

She stepped out into the heat.

"Hell," she said. It had been way cooler in the house. Here they were on the last day of June after a week of burning weather and all the forecasts were promising more of the same. The summer of 2018 was definitely going to be hell.

As she headed towards the Heartsease bus stop Cassie fumbled in her bag for her sunglasses.

"Nice out, innit!" came a voice, which caused Cassie to drop her sunglasses. She looked around – there was no one there.

"Bugger," she said under her breath before hissing, "Go away!"

It was obviously going to be one of those days. She retrieved the sunglasses from the pavement, noting the new scratch across one lens. She wasn't in the mood for this. She was already seeing red over Grandad, and now it looked like she was in for a day of hearing and seeing other things.

Never good things, either.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. After Mum died Grandad was supposed to look after her. But now it was all the other way round. Not her bloody fault he was going senile, was it? These past few weeks he'd got even worse. She'd tried registering as his carer but the paperwork had been so confusing. Citizens Advice were no help, so she'd given up. At least he was getting a full state pension plus a bit extra from a company one. But that, along with the paltry child benefit payment, never seemed quite enough for the two of them to live on.

Another year, after A-Levels, I'll be able to get a job, she told herself. Yeah, and so much for the idea of university. There was no way they could afford the fees and, anyway, he wouldn't be able to cope on his own.

As she stomped up the incline of Heartsease Lane her phone pinged again. She groaned, Jason had called off, and she'd really wanted him to be there. The time on her phone said just gone eleven – she was going to be well early.


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