Mulberry Song

Deep Dreams p.1

In the blink of an eye, it's the twelve-lunar month, the imperial city blanketed in glittering white.

After handling the political affairs, Zi Wu returns to his bedchambers, and I'm here slowly following behind him. These past few days, there have been local reports of increasingly powerful snowstorms in the southern region, he's very worried, unable to sleep for a good few consecutive days. Such is the cause of those bluish-black circles forming under his eyes.

After a while of reading, the drowsiness gets to him, as he lies on the study desk, unknowingly drifting into sleep. How much I want to drape a layer of a blanket over him but can only "want" to.

Outside the windows, is once again the su su sound of descending snow. It is but a very gentle sound yet still manages to wake him. He gazes out the window, and with a sound of a sigh, covers himself in a big coat, before leaving the doors. Rejecting the eunuch's following, he alone holds an umbrella and carries a lantern as he steadily takes a stroll through the imperial palace. His steps leisurely slow, seeming to not have any destination in mind.

With no stars nor moon, an entire sky filled with drifting snow, the areas inside and out of the imperial city seemingly dressed in ominous mourning clothes, and he, carries the light seeming to become the sole colour within this world.

From behind him, I match the rhythm of his steps as I follow, one human one ghost. I think I want to continue accompanying him like this, watching over him as he ages through the years isn't bad either.

Not sure for how long we've walked, he suddenly comes to a stop, silently standing before a set of palace doors. I also follow in stopping, one glance upon raising my head, I couldn't help sinking into an absent mind.

Su Lu Ge [洬录阁]

Emperor of Zhao, the reigning monarch of the last era upon learning of Zi Wu's betrayal, later had me confined within the palace. Before my death, my final days were spent staying here, staying here for one entire year. Back then, those past happenings that had me experiencing such pain of being better dead than alive, thinking back to them now, I actually find that the memories are already unbearably blurred, only vaguely sensing slight stuffiness inside, unwilling to remember.

Xiao Cheng was extremely diligent in telling the world how I spend life in the palace, he wants to use my pain and suffering to force Zi Wu into giving up. Yet he has never considered, why would this man with such vigorously ambitious heart, be willing to give up the world for one woman.

Zi Wu pushes open the heavy doors, one foot treading inside. Seeing the scene inside the courtyard, he appears to be stunned. This place has never been cleaned by anyone, entering the eyes is but a scene of a complete mess, time here seems to still be stuck on that night the last reigning era had perished.

With so many rooms within the imperial palace, after becoming emperor, he very rarely comes to the back palace. Nor does he usually show much concern to the internal matters within the palace, every day, the people in the palace will only clean the areas he goes to, so how would they think of cleaning up this place?

In the courtyard, the snow accumulates in thick layers, his every step leaving a deep footprint, walking with slight difficulty. Coming up to the centre of the courtyard, he silently stands for a while, suddenly calling out:

"Sang Ge."

I instinctively sound a response, but was immediately hit with the realisation, how could he possibly hear my voice?

He alone speaks to himself: "Did you ever call out to me like this also?"

Naturally, I have, when Xiao Cheng's military affairs weren't going smoothly, he would like to take it all out on me. Every time, the harm inflicted was so unbearably painful, so I would call out his name, thinking back to the misty rain and the Marquis of Chang Ye Estate in Jiangnan, this way the pain will lighten up a lot.

He pushes open the doors and enters the building. Raising the lantern to light it up, inside is filled with dust. Flipped over stools, fallen candleholders smashed cups, not one thing does not tell of the despair of those days.

I can still remember, a scene of panic inside the imperial city that day, very early do I dress myself in that bright red wedding gown, sitting in front of the mirror, allowing my personal maid, who was trembling all over, to help me pull up a beautiful hairstyle, just like a readied appearance for a wedding.

And later the soldiers enter, taking away the maid who served me all my life, beating her to death, then captures me to the city tower.

He sits on the dust-covered couch-bed. Hand stroking across the quilt that's as hard cold as iron, fingers trembling, he hazily speaks: "Every triumph, will always be accompanied with news of your suffering. Xiao Cheng indeed achieved it, every time I stand on the battlefield, what I think of first is not what good comes from the victory, but what kind of pain you have to endure this time."

A burst of sourness softens my heart. I cannot bear to see such look on his face.

"But where is the path to retreat? The war has already started, striving forth, still contains a glimmer of hope, and should I give up, not even a glimmer hope will be left." His voice is very tightly stretched, carrying hoarseness like sorrow, like pain:

"Sang Ge, yet you were too stubborn to even give me the chance to save you."

I lower my eyes as I silently stand by the doors, such heart like stagnant water giving rise to tidal waves, sour and astringent, also containing that damned hidden warmth.