The Trap Kings' Babydoll

21. This is who I am.

A couple seconds go by and Benito doesn't say anything.

At first I begin to think maybe he fell asleep because it was too quiet in here, but when I hear him breathe in, I knew he heard me.

The thing is, I didn't regret saying it. It wasn't one of those moments where I needed to hear him say it back for it to mean something. I didn't need reassurance that he felt something for me because I knew he did.

"You what?" He finally speaks up after what felt like eternity.

I open my mouth, about to repeat myself but he cuts me off.

"You love me?" He sits up. "Como-como puedes amar me, you know who I am, what I do... how can you love someone like me?"

The sound of his voice was more of shock than it was of anger. How could he not see why I love him? He doesn't see himself like I do.

"You shouldn't love me Hazel, I'm not someone who deserves love. I'm a killer, I'm good at making people fear me, and hate me. Love is not one of those things."

I reach over, placing my hand on his thigh to calm him down.

"I know what you do Benito. And I know I shouldn't be okay with that. I-I know I should lay awake at night, thinking about how my boyfriend is leader of a dangerous gang, but I don't. So what does that make me?" I stop, my head dropping down to look at the sheets. "Because of me someone's dead, what does that make me Benito? I'm a killer just like you."

"No! He deserved to die, you didn't do anything. That was all on me, you are good Hazel, you are innocent. I forced you into this life."

I see sadness pass through his eyes, as he cradled my face in his hands.

"You didn't force me into anything, I wanted this. I love you Benito, and I would go through every possible danger to just be with you."

"Why would you say that, I would never want you in any kind of danger for me."

"But I would, without a second thought." I reassure him. "Because there a few good things in this world, and when you find one you cling to it with all you've got...you are one of those good things in my life." I lean forward, pressing my lips to his softly.

"No tengo nada de bueno Chiquita." He breathes against my lips.

"You may not be a good man to anyone else, but you are good to me. I feel safe and protected in your arms. I always want to be around you... I love you... I don't exactly know why I do, but I do. I love you so much and that's not going to change no matter what you say."

Benito closed his eyes, looking almost defeated in a way.

"Love is a weakness in my world Hazel, something I can't afford as the leader."

I nod my head, my heart hurting at his words. I didn't know if I wanted to hear what he would say next.

"If my enemies knew how much you mean to me, they would do anything and everything to get to you. And I can't let that happen." He licks his lips, his eyes locked to mine. "You know why I can't let that happen?" He asks me, even though I knew he wasn't going to wait for an answer.

"Because I love you."

Tears brim in my eyes, threatening to spill.

"You love me?" I ask, my voice trembling.

"My love for you is the purest thing I have in my life... I-I shouldn't love you, but I couldn't fight it. You clawed your way into the heart I didn't know I had, y ahora es todo tuyo."