His poems, Their poems, My poems, Our poems

Back To Old Habits

I'm back at it
Back to old habits
Back to believing
Maybe love isn't meant for me
Back to swallowing everything
Hoping one day, it would take all of me
Back to thinking the best thing in life
Is what could kill me

Back to the vapors
Back then the smoke I swallowed
Fill my mind with happy thoughts or just no thoughts at all
Because the only happy feelings I had
Was me in your arm
And your voice that coos me softly

back to writing this poetry
Hoping one day, you'll read it
Hoping one day, you will look at me and say
I made a mistake

I'm back to believing that will actually happen.

Back to thinking the best way to end the pain
Is to just stop me
I'm back to the habit of falling back in the arms who already left me
And me giving what they need so they can give little back to me

I'm back to crying on the shoulder
Of the first one I said I love you to
To the first people who showed me
That there is still light

I thought you were my light
But now you're theirs
and I will sit in the background and smile
While you hold their hand

And wish it was mine
I will sit in the background
And write.
And in the back of my mind, you're still mine.

Right now you are still mine.
I write this poem as I sleep in your arms
Waiting for the day you leave.

So I can read this poem
And you will hear me.

But until then, I got to get in the habit
Into thinking that can't be.