xi | our promise

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xi | our promise

oof thank you for 20k! I love you all.

this is just a reminder for any sensitive's that are reading that this IS a mafia book and the stuff that they do is not okay in any sense absolutely whatsoever ty for coming to my ted talk

p.s. @ everyone making jokes about waiting a month for the next update ; it's been two weeks and 2 days. jokes on you

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

Everyone is staring at the black television screen in stunned silence.  Valentin and the demon he raised are gone, but the death of my mother is on a continuous and endless loop in my mind.  She only died once, but in the last 20 seconds I've watched her die a thousand times – and every single time, it was my fault.

People have started to talk, but I can't hear them.  I can't hear anything.  I can see their mouth's move, but I can't understand what they're saying.  I can't even feel the ground beneath my feet, let alone the tears as they roll down my face.

It feels like time has stopped.  Like nobody has moved.  Then all of a sudden it resumes, and I lurch forward with a sob.  Then I hear every single voice, all at once, and I'm overwhelmed.  It's all too much.

Yet I can't turn away from the screen, as I witness Diavolo jam a knife into my mother's neck for the thousandth – and one - time.  And the sickening feeling in my gut that's also causing me to feel nauseous hints that her death will be one that'll haunt me every single time I close my goddamn eyes.

I'm forced to look away from the screen as someone's grip tightens around my waist.  I glance down and realize that the only reason I haven't collapsed is because Dominic is holding me.  He's holding me as tightly as he can, and he won't let go.

Liam.  He's the first person I search for, and the first person I find.  It takes him a while to finally look away from the screen, to finally look everyone in the eye.  He looks down at his mom, then at Veleno.  He looks over my shoulder at Dominic and across the room at Vince.  Then his eyes find mine and he sees the look on my face.

And I watch him shatter like broken glass.

Dominic sees it too and speaks on behalf of the man he ruled beside for years.  His voice is deep and cuts through the nervous chatter with ease.  He sounds like the Dominic of old, like the Underboss we all respected. "Give us the room."

And they obey him like the words had come out of Liam's mouth itself.

But our king – in reality – is speechless.  As am I.

Liam takes an unsteady step backwards before dropping his entire body to the sofa and lowering his head into his hands.  Zara has finally spun from the television to face our lopsided circle.  Her hands still cover her mouth as tears glisten underneath her full eyelashes.  As each second passes, I feel Dominic's grip grow weaker and it isn't until Carmen rushes over does he let go.  He backs away as she throws her arms around me in a suffocating hug.

I bend over a little to compensate for our slight height difference.  It's a hug I never knew I needed and probably one of the best hugs I've ever been a part of.  She hardly knows me, but it feels like she actually cares.  It felt like she was holding me together and now I think I understand how Rico felt whenever they embraced.

Safe.

But then the moment ends, and the reality of the situation rushes back to me.  The force of it all causes a few more tears to trickle out the corner of my eyes.  And suddenly Carmen's hug is the last thing on my mind.

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