A Sensible Person's Guide to Dating a Superhero

Part 1

Do you ever wonder if you're the last sane person left on this earth?

Because I do.

"HAHA! Justice Man! If you don't want anything to happen to this pretty little reporter here you need to surrender!" The masked villain in bright blue spandex laughed loudly, one arm holding me hostage, his superhuman strength making it difficult to break free. It was mildly uncomfortable, but at least this one hadn't tied me up. I started searching my pockets.

The hero paused his attack, his handsome face twisted with anguish. "You fiend! Let her go!"

Why were they ignoring me? "Umm... guys?"

"NEVER, HERO! And if you don't want her to die, you must do as I say!" The villain held me tighter, a deranged grin across his face.

"Guys?" I found what I was looking for and pulled it out of my pockets.

"Evil will never triumph over good, Destructor!" The hero called out, his bluff unable to completely conceal his anxiousness at my situation.

Having tried to get their attention multiple times, I sighed and gave up, lifting my hand and pressing the object in it against the villain's neck.

"What are you...?"

NOW he notices. I rolled my eyes and turned the taser on.

BZZZZ! With a quick jerk the villain's eyes rolled up and he collapsed to the floor. I stepped away from him, making sure to stomp on his spandex covered crotch. That's for kidnapping me on my way to get coffee, you jerk!

"HANNAH-I mean... citizen! Are you okay!" The hero flew over the remaining distance, his brightly colored costume reflecting the sunlight and giving me a slight headache. Despite this I found myself smiling fondly at him.

"I'm just fine, Justice Man, no worries."

"That's great, good, good." He trailed off awkwardly, scuffing the ground with one foot, (his super strength making him unknowingly create large divots in the concrete), obviously unsure of what to say. I decided to help him out.

"I was here investigating a new larceny ring that had popped up in Super City, didn't realize that Destructor was the guy behind it." At the villain's name I couldn't help but snort with laughter. The hero smiled at me.

"What? You don't like his name?"

"I try not to judge you guys too much." I shrugged. "After all, there are almost fifty super heroes and who knows how many villains, must be hard to come up with a good original name, but still... Destructor? Sounds like a bad Saturday morning cartoon villain."

"What about 'Justice Man'?"

"What about it?"

He looked embarrassed. "Do you like that name?"

"Eh, it's not too bad." I grinned at him. "I just like regular names better."

"..." He was staring at me. I sighed, knowing this conversation was going nowhere.

"Well, Hero, if it's okay with you, can you take Destructor to the police to be arrested? I have to get back to work, plus I have plans to have lunch with my boyfriend at one-thirty."

He seemed startled. "Oh yeah, I almost forg-" He cleared his throat. "I wouldn't want you to miss such an important date, ma'am. I'll take care of the villain, you may go."

I waved at him, already walking away. "Okay, thanks, see you later."

I shook my head as I walked away. The kidnapping this time had taken forty minutes longer than the last time, I was going to be late for work. At least I had thought to hang up some remote cameras before I started my investigation, just in case. I collected the cameras, reminding myself to watch the footage later to see if I got any good action shots of Justice Man and Destructor threatening each other. It could definitely be the difference between a third page and front-page story.

Before I got in my car, I turned back just in time to see Justice Man tie up the villain and fly away with him. I sighed quietly to myself.

"Good work, honey."

You see, I have a secret.

Justice Man was my boyfriend.

He didn't know that I knew. Apparently he honestly thought he had a "secret identity" despite the fact that he didn't do anything other than change his clothes and remove his glasses. He came to the Daily Super, the official newspaper of Super City, and applied to be a photographer one day, and I couldn't help but recognize him.

"Isn't that Justice Man?" I had leaned towards Grant, one of my coworkers and asked.

He shook his head. "Don't be ridiculous, that's just the new guy, he's a total wuss. He's nothing like Justice Man at all." He left the conversation, chuckling and muttering something under his breath about "hysterical women." I calmly stepped on his heel, causing the idiot to fall flat on his face before going to introduce myself to the newcomer.

"Hi, I'm Hannah." I reached out to shake his hand. Up close, it was even harder to ignore that he was obviously the super hero I had seen in action.

He smiled "You're the reporter that covers all the super villain activities in the city. I've read your work, it's fantastic."

That was flattering to hear. We were still shaking hands, I felt reluctant to let go and wondered if he felt the same. "What do I call you?" For a wild moment I thought he would tell me to call him Justice Man.

"My name is Ethan."

I smiled, "Nice to meet you Ethan."

We worked for six months together before I asked Ethan out. He had been surprised, but happy and soon enough we were dating. He was sweet, thoughtful, caring, and I loved every minute with him.

There was just one problem:

He hadn't told me about being Justice Man.

Now I could definitely understand not trusting me right away, but as a year and a half went by, I started getting a little annoyed. He missed dinners, skipped movie nights, was gone for days at a time. If I hadn't known what his profession was, I would have gone crazy with worry. As it was, his excuses were getting increasingly flimsy. I mean, a photography emergency? Really?

For Pete's sake, I was an investigative reporter! How could he not realize I was just letting him get away with it?

But I loved him, and because of that, I was willing to wait the time it would take for him to trust me with his secret.

Or at least that WAS my plan.