Y'all know Zenyatta from Overwatch?? Yeah, well, it's 2019 and he still has no lore. "Tekharta is a title not a name" does NOT COUNT, MICHAEL. So, let me write some lore for him instead. Take notes, Mr. Chu.
Until Mr. Chu disproves my claims, this is all canon. No short stories for these, not right now.
-Zenyatta sees Genji owning at Beat Saber, getting like 95% accuracy on it on expert. Song is, like, Rockefeller Street or something. Zenyatta proceeds to absolutely destroy Genji-s score with ease and he cries
-Zenyatta, but with a gun! Not a special future gun, just hand him a glock
-Zenyatta will randomly tell Genji the floor is lava but only when there's nothing for him to jump onto
-He's listened to September by Earth, Wind, & Fire on repeat for about a few weeks' worth of time but spread out across several years
-He's programmed Genji's suit to play the window xp's power down noise when he falls asleep and it makes him lose his shit whenever he hears it, which wakes Genji up. Zenyatta chills and tells him a stupid joke he "found funny" and Genji falls back asleep and the cycle repeats for three hours
-Zenyatta has no clue what bastion says ever and just nods in agreement. Bastion is fully aware of this, and tells him the worst things he can think of just for the satisfaction of making Zen look like an ass. Bastion once beeped to him how he was the one to shoot Mondatta and how he watched the life fade from his body in immense joy and Zenyatta told him "That's excellent, my friend."
-He can float at up to 85 mph
-Zenyatta's only shirt is this one
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-He's scared of bugs
-That includes butterflies as well
-He tells Genji/others he's meditating when really he's just got ancient memes playing in his Brain
-The first time Zenyatta calls anyone a bitch, they're caught so off-guard they cry
-He can fly/hover only up to 5 feet high, but rocketing himself up at 85 mph can launch him pretty far.
-He can say fuck, but if he says fuck you better believe something is absolutely wrong and you should run
-He tells Genji he should forgive Hanzo, but if he ever met him, he would kick him in the throat so hard he'd never speak again
-His Iris Arms subconsciously appear and slap him if he does something astronomically stupid
-One time, he and Genji were talking about past presidents, and Zenyatta asked what Obama's last name was. Mondatta himself materialized and drop kicked him
This is so much goddamn fun, Michael see what you're missing out on
