Dancing With a Stranger - Connor McDavid

Four • Grayson

It's been a week since I had kissed Connor and it was actually the longest we had ever been without talking. It was weird at first, not seeing his name light up on my phone or having some sort of plans with him, even if it was just going to his house to hang out or watch a movie. I'm beginning to think he just wants to avoid me at all costs.

The season was obviously over, so he's probably hanging with the boys or maybe even seeing his usual hook ups. It hurts a little bit. But it is what it is. And if that's what he wants, then I need to get over myself and move on.
I see my phone light up and look at the caller ID, hoping it was him even if I shouldn't. But it's Celeste and I pick up immediately.

"Hey babes what are you doing next weekend?" I could tell her tone was excited but she was trying to mask it.
"Uhh, I don't think anything, why what's up?" I sat down on the couch, getting comfy.
"Well then you're coming to our little get together next Saturday!" She squeals,
"What get together?"
"It's a surprise. Attire is cocktail. I'll text you the details later!"
"We'll somebody is excited. Can't wait to hear what this is all about. See ya soon."
"Byeeee." She sing-songs and then hangs up.
I get up, going to my closet to see if I have anything decent enough for this event. Celeste texts me pretty quickly with the details. I decide that the dresses in my closet were either too dressy, or not dressy enough and I probably need a new one.
I always need a new one. Always.

By the time Saturday night rolled around I think I had managed forget about Connor. It seemed as if time moved slowly without him though. And at this point I pretty much assumed he never wanted to see me again. It was hard. I managed to go out a few more times and get completely plastered. But everytime I would get to the point of taking someone home I couldn't do it. I tried but it felt like there was a block in my head. I should be going out and getting with anyone I wanted. I could. But I didn't. And I knew he was sure as hell doing it. So why couldn't I?

There had been some drunken make-outs and maybe a little more. But never the real-deal. It wasn't that I was a virgin and I wanted it to be Connor to deflower me or some shit.

It's that, when you're in love with someone, you want it to be them.
Not some random guy you just met. Or at least that's what I was feeling now. I hadn't felt like that before we kissed. But now, all I can imagine is what would've happened if he didn't stop me that night.

I slip on a silky emerald green dress that went down to my knees. It has a cowl neck and accentuates my curves in all the right ways. The strappy nude heels make my legs look long and sleek. And finally I add some drop down diamond earrings. I feel good. I feel confident and put together. And I can't wait to see whatever event Celeste has planned for tonight.

The party is in a private section of the restaurant. Everything is clean and simple. White marble table tops are adorned with beautiful bouquets. Golden trim outlines the room and gives it an antique feel. It's truly gorgeous.
I scan the area looking for the bar and my eyes lock with a certain pair of green ones. He was already looking at me, taking me in and my breath hitches in my throat. He's talking with Ryan and Darnell and he looks damn good. He has on a white button up and black slacks, hair tousled to perfection. A few buttons are undone at the top, giving me a tiny peek at his chest. He looks like he's going to start walking towards me when I turn and spot Celeste across the room with Leon. I quickly walk over to her and see the giant engagement ring on her left hand.
"Oh my god, congratulations you guys! Why didn't you just tell me over the phone? Oh my god!" I say excitedly, giving her a hug. The rock on her hand is beautiful. It suits her extremely well. Leon has good taste in rings and women. Celeste is the biggest sweetheart ever and I'm so glad she's happy. I could see the sparkle in her eyes. Or maybe that's just the reflection from the ring.
"Thank you so much. We wanted it to be a surprise to our friends. I'm so glad you made it! You look stunning!"
"Well thank you, as do you. You're going to be the most beautiful bride." Her tan skin glows against the white dress she was wearing now. She looks perfect. "Leon, I'm glad you finally put a ring on it. This girls a keeper!"
He chuckles and looks at her with so much love in his eyes it almost makes me tear up. "Yeah she is."
"I'll leave you two to your guests, but thank you for inviting me and again congrats."
"We wouldn't want you to miss it for the world." She smiles.

They are so freakin adorable it hurts.

I find my way to the open bar and wait for a bartender to take my drink order when someone lightly taps me on the shoulder.

I turn to see Ryan giving me a soft smile. "Hey Grayson, I haven't seen you around in a while. How are you doing?" He asks as he gives me a hug.
"I'm good. I've just been really busy lately. I'm trying to make plans to go home for the summer and things have been a little hectic. What about you and Bre?" I ask.
He looks over to where she's now standing with Celeste and smiles. "We're good. Definitely want to make plans to go see both of our families as well. Also we're drowning in wedding plans so to have Celeste 'the planner' in the same boat as us now, she's pretty ecstatic."
"Yeah she is pretty organized." I chuckle. That girl has every ounce of her life planned out to a perfect T.
We finally order our drinks and start talking about how they had to rehire a wedding planner because the last one was kind of a scam, when a voice from behind me says, "Mind if I cut in Nuge?"
"Yeah, sure Dave-O." He gestures to me as he gets up to find Bre. "I was wondering why you weren't over here wayyyyy before I was. You two are usually glued at the hip at these sorta things." The last part was off to the side, because it was only meant for Connor. I pretend not to hear it and sip on my marg.
He sits down next to me and orders a drink before asking, "Can we talk?"
I nod my head, ready to listen to whatever explanation he has for not calling in two weeks and for getting up and leaving, if he even covers that part.
"What are you doing here?" He blurts, his nonchalant tone throwing me for a loop. But my voice remains calm.
"Supporting my friend." I stay elusive as I pause and take a sip. Then I look at him, awfully cool and add, "I could ask you the same thing?"
"Supporting my friend." He states, glancing at his palms pressed against the counter top as if they're the most interesting thing in the world.
I give him a knowing, sarcastic look as if to say 'duh' and he sighs, locking his eyes on mine.
"You look unbelievably gorgeous tonight." He tries again, the words coming out easier and more confident than before. The little golden flecks that adorn his forrest green eyes were more prominent under this light than I have ever seen before. And those eyes with that compliment is a deadly combination not even I can survive.
"Thank you." I try not deviate too much from calm, cool, and collected, but that comment sends a wave of butterflies through my chest. And I like it.
It's silent for a moment.
"That's not all you had to say is it?" I ask, treading lightly.
"No, no it's not."
"Okay then."
He takes a breath, "Uh yeah, I don't know how to say this."
"It's me Connor, just say it. It's like ripping a bandaid off, you should be used to this with all of your media training."
He cracks a smile and then so do I. "Back to the usual comments huh? Does that mean we're back to normal?"
"That depends on what you wanted to talk to me about."

The bartender hands him his drink and I wait for a response as he swirls the straw around. I'm not going to let him put the weight of this conversation on me. I want to know what he wants and I want him to tell me straight up.
"I'm just gonna rip the bandaid off then. I wasn't trying to-" he rambles and then catches himself, going slow and steady. "I don't want you to think the reason I left was because I didn't want too or because it wasn't good. Because it was. I didn't want to cross a line with you. And I know you're probably thinking we already crossed a line. But kissing is one thing, and sex is another. I didn't want to do something we couldn't take back, especially in the frame of minds we were both in that night. Your friendship means the world to me, and the past two weeks have been absolute hell without you. I didn't want to say anything until I had my head screwed on right. Please can we just go back to being us. I need you in my life." He looks so sure of his words that I have to believe him. But I don't think he knows how hard it's going to be for me. To him we just kissed or whatever.
I on the other hand, apparently like to torture myself.

"Yeah, Con we can go back to normal." He smiles, "On one condition."
His face turns serious and he looks at me with so much sincerity as he says, "Yeah anything."

Time for me to rip the bandaid off, "You can't get mad at me for seeing people I might be interested in."
His face twists a little and he looks like he's holding himself back a bit. "Yeah of course."
"I love you. I really do. But you can't be harping on me like you're my big brother anymore. I'm a grown adult and I'm allowed to make my own decisions. Just like you do."
He nods his head, albeit he looks like he would rather do anything else at the moment.

Please stop acting like this is killing you Connor.

Because it's killing me.