treachery and flowers

4

please read summary first.
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( if you're suffering from depression or just going through something negative then this is more directed at you ) you feel like you're in the abyss of nothingness, blackness, screeching, distortion, and your trying to swim to the top but you just keep sinking, and eventually you stop, and let yourself sink you don't try anymore, and the farther you sink the worse the thoughts because you stopped swimming you stopped trying you let the thoughts implode in you slowly accepting them eventually it gets to the point where i should just kill myself, but you think it over, and you think about the people in your life how it would affect them for a moment you think realistically because all this time you've been thinking how everybody hates you, but when in reality there are people who care about you even though you want to die. you slowly progress to self harm, and you have all these thoughts running through your mind at this point you lay awake at night depressed you wake up depressed you go throughout the day depression, and everyday eventually becomes a "sweatpants" day you stop trying you start crying more, and the implosion in your mind gets slower, and slower almost as if your world is shattering, but your world is actually shattering you feel powerless, and lonely you feel like everybody is gone, and everybody hates you, and you truly hate yourself, but then there's a light there and it shows up randomly or it slowly appears the point is you didn't know it was coming, but it's there now. you're slowly able to make your way back up, and you progressively get faster, and faster eventually you're treading again, and you're no longer in the abyss you feel great or just okay the point is you're improving, but there's a grey spot in the back of your head from the abyss that never leaves you it's like a scar. there will be times where you will be in the abyss once again, but you got out the first time right who says you can't do it again you can always find away out of it you just have to find your light, and you'll be back out. hold on to the light, but then again the abyss will always be there. just look out for it.

yours truly,
delsin