1000 Years Apart

Chapter nineteen - Sacrifices

Chapter nineteen - Sacrifices

BPOV

I remembered it all.

Every small and insignificant detail of my once human life.

It all floated around in my head as I sat on a hill overlooking Volterra. I had to escape Edward and his piano playing. As the memories overtook me I couldn't stay there any longer or I would have given myself away, as I began to laugh and scream at all the amazing moments I had forgotten all about. You have no idea how special a memory is. It held my past and my future. It made me who I was, and who I have become. With out a memory I never felt like myself, yet as I sit here on the hill I felt real once more. I felt like the real and true Bella swan.

Swan.

It was a name I had forgotten all about. A name I once took for granted. Images of my mother and father flowed in my head. I knew it had been so long, they would have passed away hundreds of years ago. I couldn't help but wonder if mum and Phil ever granted me the privilege of a brother or sister. Over time did I become an aunt? And did my father ever get remarried? Have the family I knew he always dreamt of?

Then there was Jacob and everyone on the reservation. I only held the memories of Jake and I playing as children, and a few moments later in life when I finally moved to Forks myself. I wish I had taken the time to get to know him. He had a huge future ahead of him. There was just something unique about him, he was a born leader and I always thought something amazing would be bestowed upon him one day.

Of course there were also my most recent human memories, which brought back all the happiness, love, and yet hatred and anger I felt inside now. The Cullen's. While I believed our friendship and connection was only as old as a few weeks, they knew all about the past we shared a lifetime ago. They kept it from me, never once giving me the truth I deeply desired. I knew they must have been under the watchful eye of the Volturi, who I came to a 1000 years ago, but didn't we have something between us which would have excelled all that?

I remember my last night being a human and finally my first few years as a vampire. I now know those years were spent forgetting my past, but looking back I wish I never went through with it, never asked Jane ad Aro to commit such a tragedy. Even if I would have had to live with the heartache I felt at the time.

Last off there was Edward himself. He was the one behind my every decision made 1000 years ago. I loved him with all my heart and he left. I remember him telling me he didn't want me, loved me, or wanted me to travel with his family when they left. I remember the depression I went through for months later, and finally my crazy decision to leave for Volterra. And yet, I couldn't help but love him still. He put me through hell, made me forget my past and feel lost for years, but even without my memories I knew I felt lost because I wasn't with him any more. He made me feel happy no matter the situation, and treated me with such respect and love, it could be shared equally between 100 women and still be more powerful than any other love in the world.

Sitting here I finally realised it was Edward who took my memory away, but he was also the one to bring it back. Every trigger was caused around him. But it was the lullaby he played for me religiously that broke the ice. It was what pushed me over the edge and made me come back to my once self. Him playing it the way he did, in the moment, face of joy and happiness, he played it by memory. He played it with love.

I shook my head. He did after all leave me all those years ago. He did confess how his love had faded. When he played moments before it wasn't for me. No. It was for someone else. A smile spread over my face as I realised Edward would have found another to love while I was away here. It would mean once he found out about my disappearance, if he found out at all, he would have been consumed in the other woman, not the guilt he most likely would have felt knowing Edward.